Seriously?

SO-we all know my luck with men...

Right, moving on then cause I don't like to dwell on that sad fact.

Anyways, for some reason lately, I've been attracting even more unusual, nasty men. Hard to believe things can get weirder than Busta and Richie Rich...alas, they can.

So a few weeks ago at Fox and Hound, Becky, Tanya and I went to watch the Steelers/Denver game. Not a happy outcome for me. However, there was an extremely obnoxious and large Denver fan at the table across from us. And by obnoxious, I mean he would talk to me from the NEXT TABLE and I swear to you people in my apartment complex could hear him. And when he yelled...wow. So he keeps talking to us from the next table. He sends me a shot at halftime since my team was going to lose. Then toward the end of the game, he comes over with another shot for when the Steelers lost and sat right next to Becky and I. I made him promise not to yell...which he couldn't do...and so I think Becky has permanent hearing damage. This guy is about 40 and about 400 pounds, balding-picturing him in your head? Hot, I know. We ended up playing a game of shuffleboard with him and his friends--during which Tanya named him "Princess" (which I found hilarious). At the end of the night, he asked for my number. I gave him the wrong one. Chalk one up for Mary-I avoided the random phone call from creepy guy (and yes, Richie Rich is STILL calling me-I almost answered it during the football game weekend at PSU cause I had a little alcohol in my system and didn't recognize the number!)

So this past Monday night--Steelers game--Flying Saucer. Becky and I go to grab food and, well, beer. I see somebody from the bar point and start waving. I look away. "Oh God Becky, it's the fox and hound guy" He gets up and walks over. Yup, still obnoxious. We end up at a table with them (okay, stupid I know, but we were in bad seats and couldn't see the tv). So I'm like, I gave him the wrong number--maybe he didn't try to call? Nope...he even brings it up! "Yeah, you gave me the wrong number. It's okay, I would have too-there are a lot of weird people out there". I think that's the first intelligent thing he said. But really, I gave him the wrong number and he's still trying? Not too bright there princess. So then Andy comes and meets up with us--and wow was princess jealous. He barely said a word the rest of the night and I thought it was hilarious!! And THAT is what guy friends are for...hooray!

Then there are those who are not so easily dissuaded...
The Grizzlies games. My sister knows who I'm about to talk about. There is a guy who sits in front of us who is obnoxious and large (are we seeing a trend here?). Except this particular guy adds "disgusting" along with many other highly descriptive words to the list...
He yells at the refs the whole game, yells at the teams and makes the absolute dumbest comments...and if you could only hear his voice...it's like a high pitched Lil Jon "Yeah"-but constant! He also does the Lil John "WHAT" between the "Defense" chants..so instead of"DE-FENSE (clap clap) DE-FENSE (clap clap)" you hear "DE-FENSE WHAAAT DE-FENSE WHAAAT". Favorite the other night was "There must be a hampster in the ball-keep rollin off the dang rim!". Also-to the refs "What?! This is basketball ref, contact is allowed. If you don't want contact, go ref baseball!" And of course it's always fun when he turns around and just starts talking to you like you were having a conversation with him. Or when I lean over and ask my sister something completely sarcastic, he'll turn around and answer. Yeah, wasn't talking to you. Thanks for playing.

Now ladies and gentlemen, if you have weak stomachs, sit down. Get a vomit bag. Prepare your gag reflexes. Grab your security blanket, teddy bear, whatever. If you sit behind him, bring a drop cloth for your lap. This extremely large, obnoxious guy likes to PICK his HEAD during the game. Sometimes it's casual scratches. Then sometimes he pops zits on the back of his neck. I mean really, if you order food...you could potentially get extra toppings. He also picks scabs on his arms. He also bites his nails and SPITS them across the aisle. And this tons of fun guy also enjoys dancing in his seat. Or when somebody has to get by, he doesn't get up (being on the aisle, this would be easiest)--he stands and leans on the back of the seat so that his ass hangs over onto the persons (me or people I'm with) lap behind him. Yeah-not the kind of lap dance you'd want. He also gets mega huge sweat stains on the back of his shirt that I could see on tv from like, 30 rows back. Ew.

So what does this have to do with Mary and her creepy men you ask? Last year once, he was standing before a game and I walked up and he looked me up and down and made a nasty grunting sound before saying "DAMN". Okay, even writing that almost made me throw up in my mouth. So this season, I was sitting a few seats away, and he kept staring. I mean, not glances. Like I'd feel him staring at me for a minute or two at a time. When I'd look over, he'd quickly look away so he "wouldn't get caught". Now he's started throwing in the "Damn" when he looks back. So is it sad to say that I'd rather sit behind him and risk getting my legs sprinkled with who knows that than sit to the side where he just stares at me? I think so....

More adventures to come-I'm sure! Enjoy...keep posting comments =)