And the winner is...

Wow, what a weekend of sports! But most importantly...

My blog has over 100 hits-hooray! I was informed by my friend that he was the lucky #100, so he gets a free drink from me. See? It pays to read my blog. Not only is it highly educational, but you also get a heavy dose of sarcasm and the occasional incentive to keep coming back. Congrats to Kyle...thanks for your unwavering support. Psh...

Now...


The Memphis Tigers are #1!!! This exciting news hit me on Saturday evening as I was downing numerous drinks at High Point Pinch, trying to avoid the scary guys trying to get me to dance. It was salsa night...so there was a lot of alcohol necessary to get me dancing. That and the people asking me to dance were well, ummm, either much older, much shorter or just couldn't speak enough English for me to understand what they were trying to strike up a conversation with me about. At least nobody commented on my ankles, at least, not that I'm aware of? The bouncer did say he liked my shoes...and then later was showing me pictures of his 3 year old daughter and telling me how much we had in common because are both Aquarius-es? Aquari? What is the plural? Whatever-we're the same sign-which means nothing to me other than our birthdays are relatively close together.


(This is like my dilemma with the plurals of "hippopotamus" and "rhinoceros"...hippopotamuses? rhinoceroses? or hippopotami and rhinoceri? hee hee, either way it makes me giggle...)


ANYWAYS-I digress. I saw that the Tigers won and UNC lost!! Holy crap! I think I saw it's the first time we've been ranked #1 basically since I was born. And it was Memphis State then. And I tried explaning this to "Ken" who I really think kept trying to buy me a shot because he didn't understand my excuse for not dancing was that I was drinking. I didn't need one. So when I tried telling him UNC lost and that Memphis was ranked #2 and would jump up, he kind of smiled and pointed to the dance floor. No thanks. But really-#1!! This is big people. GO FREAKIN TIGERS!





Now onto equally fantastic news (for me at least, my guy friends don't seem all that happy)...



Hi, my name is Tom Brady and I will be playing in the Super Bowl this year. I took down both Mannings this year on my road to perfection...about to take down the crappy one yet again. I am also in love with the writer of this blog and am so happy she could pose in this picture with me. Gisele who? That's right...

That's right, it's official! New England Patriots vs. New York Giants in the 2008 Super Bowl! You know what this means...no talking during commercials OR the game! I think my friends hate super bowls when I am emotionally invested in a team...cause I get cranky when people talk. All I can say is thank goodness for DVR!!

Okay, now I'm about to go on my tangent...so guy friends, cover your eyes, ears and shut your mouths. Not only has Tom Brady been a part of perfection (18-0 baby!) but he pretty much is perfection. I mean, he is flawless (minus the whole illegitimate child thing...eh, it happens). And for those of you who say "Poor Bridget Moynahan"...please. She is a gorgeous actress who makes lots of moolah AND she got to have sex with Tom Brady? Cry me a river. I'm an average looking, underpaid account coordinator and I get hit on by creepy guys who say things like "You have really sexy ankles". Seriously. She wouldn't last a day in my shoes...which are NOT designer anything thankyouverymuch.

On that note...I'm out. Thanks for tuning in. Looking forward to a CRAZY weekend of birthday celebration when my friends from Auburn come up. I'm sure I'll post any blog-worthy (and parent-appropriate, sorry Mom) stories on here when I have recovered and the computer screen doesn't hurt my head.

Add it to the list...

So as many of you know (especially if you read my 100 list) I have a few major pet peeves

One is when people can't spell or use correct grammar. I know I slip up sometimes, but when it's really bad-I can't handle it.

My MAJOR one is when people confuse the words "flavor" and "scent". One you taste, one you smell! If you ask what flavor perfume I have on, I'll let you lick my wrist and find out. (The only exception is the Jessica Simpson "Dessert" stuff cause it's flavored lotions and body sprays...I have vanilla, it's delicious.)

So this morning I discovered yet another REALLY annoying thing that people do. I first noticed it when I started going to school at University of Memphis and would take a potty break.

Ladies--you can step outside. You can do it quietly in the hallway. You can wait till you get in the car or until you get home. Why WHY WHHHYYY must you bring your cell phone into the bathroom? I mean, fine, you can be wrapping up a conversation when you walk in, but end it! Do NOT take your phone into the stall when you are handling your business. If you do this at home, fine, more power to you. But I don't want a stranger listening in on me...and I'm SURE they don't want to either.

Friends, if any of you ever have me on the phone while you're using a public restroom, I will hang up on you. I don't want to hear you, or anybody else using the restroom. I realize it's is the call of nature, everybody does it, etc. But if I'm not in there with you, there is NO need to feel like I am. If the bathroom is empty, fine. If it's a big bathroom with a small lounge area, fine as well. But in the stall-NOT SO MUCH!

I was just in the bathroom and a lady walks into the stall and is chatting it up while using the bathroom, and other people are in there too! Luckily I was at the sink washing my hands, but still. I really just wanted to go start flushing the toilet repeatedly just to annoy them...

Who is with me?

Still laughing...

So I got to babysit my little Pooker last night for a little bit while Lindley and Chad ran to a meeting. I KNEW it was going to be a fun night when I hear "Aunt Mary!!" in a very excited Luke voice when I walked in. And then of course when we were on our way upstairs to play with the trains and he turns around and says "Okay, bye Mommy and Daddy". He was ready for some Aunt Mary time!

So we play trains-Thomas and Percy and Laurie and I forget the others he rattled off. Then we move to some other things that sing and light up. He danced a little-then it was time to get serious. He asked me to play "Peace Like a River" so I do and he danced his little heart out--which basically means he runs around in circles and giggles. Quite precious if I do say so myself. So I had been playing with Mocha on the floor, and my scarf that I had tied around my head had slipped off, so I just put it on the table, still tied. Luke runs over "It's a Christmas wreath!" I laughed so hard. "No Luke, that's Aunt Mary's scarf. I wear it on my head!" "Put it on Luke's head?" he asks. So I do, and giggle cause he looked adorable. I pick him up and take him to the mirror "I'm SO cool!" he exlaimed. Seriously? I am laughing right now thinking about it, so freaking cute!

I believe he also made a discovery. I was on the phone with my parents and he was standing next to me and kind of peeked down my shirt. No biggie. Then he takes his hand and puts it in the v-neck of my sweater and pulls it out and kind of looks down again. Yes Lindley, your son has discovered boobs. I was laughing so hard.

So then we play with the play food and I realize it's time to put him down. So I tell him we'll put on his PJ's, eat our "dinner" (play food), brush our teeth, read and then go to bed. So I'm changing him, which was hilarious in itself--he kept pointing out his sock marks on his feet--and then I put him up on the changing table. He announces to me "Mommy has a baby in her tummy" I'm like, "Yes, very good Luke! She does have a baby in her tummy!" So he pulls my shirt up and says "Aunt Mary has a baby in her tummy?" Now, normally and male that says this would be in serious trouble, but I just busted out laughing and am like "No no no...nonononono...no baby in Aunt Mary's tummy".

So we eat our play dinner, brush his teeth (he asked what a the smoke detector was, so I told him it told us when the house is too hot...he pointed out another one later and said "tells us house is too hot!") and then throw in there "play with trains then read then bed". Very sneaky, nice try. We'll say goodnight to the trains...which we do, and then read 3 books and then go to bed. He is my little gumdrop, and as he told me, Luke makes Aunt Mary very happy!

Ahhhh...can't wait to hear what he comes up with this weekend in South Carolina...

Holy Freaking 2008...longest blog ever, I apologize

Where did 2007 go? No...seriously. A year ago I was in school dealing with the Coca-Cola campaign, the hell of retail activation and promotions, I was beginning an internship, I had a boyfriend, I had a little white pathfinder, I had friends I saw every day and I, me, timid shy Mary who hates public speaking was put on the presentation team for the Coke competition.

Now, I have a diploma (WOO HOO), a real job at an ad agency, a new apartment, friends I get together with for drinks occasionally after WORK, a new car, a constant headache, a new nephew on the way, another engaged friend and a partridge in a pear tree...oh right, and now single...duh.

NORMALLY New Year's involves Penn State bowl games and Penn State reunions with my ladies...but nobody could make it this year!! So...I decided to head to Destin and see Lindsay. And well, this girl Corrie who I met at the Auburn/Alamaba game and I had been discussing hotels via e-mails for the Atlanta plans-so of course she was included, cause we bonded instantly when we met--and well, our e-mails are funny. She has to be fun right? And of course, the crowd would follow-Jason, Patrick, Hunter, and sadly James missed OUT! Let me just tell you about the weekend...

FRIDAY: Got picked up from the airport by my lover, Lindsay. She dropped me off, and went home. I watched bad TV and listened to the ocean in bed. Okay, so that was boring.

SATURDAY: Corrie got in town and we headed to dinner with Lindsays parents and her adorable little Brayden. Then we headed to Johnny O'Quigleys so I could watch the Penn State game. We had to SCAN the bar to find the 3 tvs in the corner without Tom Brady on them (normally a very good thing in my opinion, but I was on a mission). Well PENN STATE WON!! PATRIOTS WON!! CHUCK LIDDELL WON (like I cared about the fight, Lindsay did though...particularly the Liddell part). Then we headed to Blue Point...where Lindsay proceeded to get free drinks from a guy she'd met at the bar before. Now, usually Lindsay or I can score drinks off an attractive older guy...but Chris, Chris was special. By special I mean 53, balding, short, heavy, missing teeth and one of those really cool sweaters that blind grandmothers knit with various colors, textures, stripes and polka dots. Oh and I met a random guy from Memphis who only lives there on Wednesdays now. Really? We ended up leaving relatively early (compared to what was in store) and headed back to the condo. Where Sissy and Eric were waiting (our friend Steven's cousin and who I THOUGHT was his fiancee, psh) So we all crack another beer and realize that Sissy is beyond gone. Girlie starts running around in just her shirt and panties. Tries to take my pants off cause everybody should be in their underwear. Wow. Steven takes them home (she left a few things behind in her drunken state) so Lindsay, Corrie and I have girl talk over pizza rolls and doritos (I KNEW they'd come in handy). I mean like an hour of bonding time. Then we head off to bed.

Memories from Saturday:
"Hey Corrie, did you know this is Joe Paterno's fifth-hundredth game to coach?"-Yours truly

"How is it that the only guy trying to communicate with us at the table was deaf?"
"I think I'll just name him Liddell!"

"WE ARE...PENN STATE"-that's right Corrie, you got it!

"Bye Bolton!"

"That's such a hot sweater. Can I have another shot?"

Panties in question.

I don't recall the exact comment, but Lindsay was compared to a flamingo by sweater guy.

"Did you say Kurt or Kirk?" "T, with a T" "So Kurt, with a C or a K?"

Sunday morning also reminded us a Saturday night memory when Lindsay runs in my bathroom. "Mary, Mary. What did I do?" "Um, that could be left open to interpretation" "No, look" and closes her eye to reveal a giant bruise over her eyelid below her eyebrow arch. I died laughing. She and Corrie kept dropping doritos or pizza rolls and I kept picking them up, but one time they both went for it and headbutted each other. Apparently Corrie won and beat up Lindsay...giving her a lovely black eye, which turned purple just in time to match her new years dress!

SUNDAY: Lindsay goes home. So I'm left with Corrie, which is fine, we get along. But we have the whole night and part of the next day together. Not gonna lie, I was a little nervous. We go shop for accessories. Grab Starbucks and copy a picture at Wal-Mart. Dinner at my FAVORITE place, Harbor Docks. Wine and the exact same food. So we made the small talk about school and work and such--which I laughed about because it probably sounded like a first date to people around us. We tell the waitress happy new year, she replies "as long as Clemson wins" ohhh no m'am, we are for Auburn. So I write across the top of her check "WAR EAGLE"...hee hee, I found myself pretty clever.

We then head to Baytowne to Rum Runners. Okay, first of all, the old lady next to us at the tall bar with stools overlooking the main floor FELL off her stool 3 times and Corrie and I had to help her up. Finally, the table of 2 guys in front of us invite us to sit with them. Ahhhh...Steven and Barry. Barry the attorney. Barry the attorney who remembered me cause we rhymed but told Corrie he'd just call her Corona. Which he then spilled all over her face when he was trying to let us use his Corona as a microphone to "Pour Some Sugar On Me"-how appropriate? We decided I need to learn southern songs that they didn't play at PSU(Dixieland Delight was not a recurring song at my frat parties) and then I knew every word to "Crazy Game of Poker" which nobody else had heard apparently. Fight song wars-our Barry threw out over $200 for the Ole Miss song just from the time we sat with him. "Hotty Toddy"...Corrie has been sent the words since then. She has also sent me some of the Auburn chant words (Weagle Weagle War Damn Eagle!)

We stand outside later, Barry and Steven leave us. We try to stalk them. I was being stalked by a random who KEPT asking me to dance. The bouncer kept laughing, saying it takes courage for him to approach beautiful girls. I looked at the cop next to him and said "Oh come on, he's like, 14, I'd get arrested just dancing with him". So we head to the front/famous/village door. BOOTY MUSIC. Shots of Goldschlager. Our boys weren't there, but good music was. Corrie and I bonded in that very moment. It was clear to us that we were soulmates. Just a lil bit...BFF. So later, after seeing the Tom Brady look-alike (oh goodness...........whew,I'm okay) they start playing crappy music so people will leave. Oh, that did not stop us. "You might as well be walkin on the sun" was an AWESOME song to dance to. Then a random asks me to dance to the next song. "Eh, only if it's a good song" Rrrrright...it was "Don't Worry Be Happy".

After shutting down that bar...we walk past a pizza place ready for home. "Roll Tide" we hear. "No no, War Damn Eagle!"...we end up sitting down with the two guys. One, we discover, is my friend Jasons younger twin (yes, I know that's not possible, but really). So we decide to hang out on the beach with them. Corrie turns into a flamingo and can't stand up on one leg to roll up her jeans. But who cares, we had beach boyfriends?! Haha. She even got a token of appreciation in the form of an ivy branch complete with roots. Who does that?

Memories from Sunday:

"I think they thought we were on a date!"

"Corrie, every time I say this it backfires. But we'll just plan on a relatively low-key, early night so we can be productive tomorrow"

"My friend is a little feminine. He might even pop his pinkie while drinking his beer if he gets drunk"

"I feel some Gin and Juice coming on" -"I want Ludacris!" - "We need to dance, they need to play something like 'Shout' "...after each one of these, the song we wanted came on!

"No New Years Game On"-phahaha, texting without tone of voice backfired there!

"Corrie, I just ballroom danced to 'Don't Worry Be Happy'"

The pinata shirt said "I'd hit that" and the guy wearing it, was a male dancer. I can't make this stuff up people

"I'm Irilish"

"Yeah, I remember you saying Indiana was in their first bowl game since 94."-"Yeah, do you remember my name though?"-"Ummm, Amanda?"

Ohhhh the ivy...time to upgrade to a blossom or bloom!!

"Who turned the sun on?!"

MONDAY: So Corrie and I were up WAY too late. Tired. We watch the parents struggle with 8 kids on tv and recap our prior evening. Too funny. We bond more and realize we both heart the golf channel and the Masters. BFF. I begin cooking dinner for the big Auburn bowl game that night. Jason and Patrick and Hunter were coming over too. So we all start eating, watching the game and, well of course, drinking...duh?

At some point the previous day Corrie decided we should all watch the seagulls fly over the beach instead of the eagle at the Auburn game. "War Damn Seagull"...okay, apparently we were the only ones who thought it was funny. So we all get ready for New Year's Eve...Lindsay and Hunter learn the choreography to "Soulja Boy"...I get enough of a buzz to put on my scandalous dress. Auburn wins in OT--GO TIGERS! We have a photo shoot before we leave of course, where Corrie captured what might be the funniest picture I have ever seen. Jason and I taking a prom style picture as Lindsay randomly appears in the background dancing...I think it was to Soulja Boy, but it really looks like she's doing the Thriller...see for yourself!

So we get to AJ's around 11:15. Everybody is feeling pretty good, nice little buzz, even keel. We all get drinks-which apparently were magical because 15 minutes later we were up on the dancefloor and all over the place! A random white, nasty scarf was flying through the air so Jason wore it the rest of the night. I met a boy who I later found out was from Pennsylvania and went to Penn State (better believe I yelled out WE ARE and had everybody around me reply with "PENN STATE")

Around midnight, Hunter finds champagne (we still aren't sure where) which he proclaims "tastes like cat piss". Around 1:15 Lindsay looks like she is down for the count. She is sitting in a chair, resting against the wall, wanting to take my keys and pass out in the car. So we all get ready to close our tabs out when I turn to find Lindsay. "It's Britney Bitch" and she's back up on stage!!! So of course we decide we'll stay--I mean, I had to hear Walk It Out so I could do my routine on stage! Some girl tells Lindsay "Hey, my friend thinks you are really cute!" so she's like "Ohhh, where is he?" The girl points "SHE is right there"...hahaha, oh good times!

So as we're planning on leaving...after we all serenade each other to random songs that were playing...I step off the stage, Corrie takes my hand and then BAM...ass-plants on the stage. I am laughing as I write this because the visual was hilarious. She just kind of sits there and says "Here, sit with me, it'll just look like we're talking" so I sat down and pretty much just laughed with her. Ridiculous I tell you. We head back to the condo, Corrie is determined to try another walk on the beach...after Jason has kept us between the mayonnaise and the mayonnaise! Jason and John always make fun of my wearing shoes on the beach at night (I HATE those stupid ass little sand crabs) so I have my shoes on of course! Yeah...apparently everybodys feet turned into ice cubes 10 minutes after being out there, so we headed back inside. Shoes aren't so funny now are they? So off to bed...happy I wasn't on the other side of the condo where apparently Patrick got a little sick and could be heard in both bedrooms. I can just picture Hunter saying "Ew, what IS that sound?" Oh poor Corrie and Lindsay. We all pretty much just lounged around the next day, watching football and of course, recapping our evening through pictures on the three cameras being passed around...Lindsay's Thriller was a crowd favorite!

2007-2008 transition memories:

"War Damn Seagull!"

"Superman that ho!"

"Try this, it tastes like cat piss"...mmm, tempting

"I'm so tired, can we go?"..."It's Britney bitch...-nevermind!"

"Walk it out!" "Back that ass up!" "Baby got back!"--I'm shakin my ass here!

Lindsay's new girlfriend

"You ain't never seen me THIS drunk!"

Goldschlager for me and my soul mate!

"Just sit down, they'll think we're talking!"

Plethora of condiments...late night walk on the beach...Hunter dancing against the window

Poor reindeer

Lindsay karate chopping a beer

"I'm giving myself a head massage"

So now I'm back...took me a week to finally finish the blog...and I miss the crap out of my friends...but there you have it, my amazing weekend of sending 2007 our and bringing in 2008! The first was a good day...but recent events have not convinced me 2008 will be as amazing as I originally thought! Hope you enjoyed your novel that I just wrote...but I HAD to fit it all in, and I'm sure I still missed a lot!

More to come later...this weekend was a doozie as well for many reasons. Oh, and I will be cheering for Ohio State tonight..shhhh.