2 Months...

2 months...THAT'S how long I had to go without phone and internet service...thank you Comcast. I'm writing in Red cause it's PASSIONATE-ENRAGED-FIRE-FURY-and it's preeeettttttyyyy!

As you read previously, my cable lady was weird. Well, then she just pissed me off. I kept calling her about my phone. Normally, it wouldn't be such a big deal since I have my cell. However, we have a gate that my friends can call from and I can beep them in. Without a phone though, I have to go out and let them in-which is a pain if it's raining or if they show up at different times. Currently, the gate phone dials my parents house-which makes me laugh, especially when Becky didn't know that and said something like "Hey hot stuff"-thoroughly confusing my mom. Good times.

So cable lady kinda strung me along. Every time I called she's like "Ohhh Mary! I've been talking to your apartment-we're still trying to get those last numbers of the zip code to set up the phones. It'll be a week!" Then a week later "It should only be a few days!" Then the next week "I don't know what the hold up is!"

So I called my apartment-because it was nearing the end of October and I was getting annoyed. They had no idea what I was talking about. Actually, "Your building has had phone service for the past month" Great. Grand. WONDERFUL!

Did I mention they couldn't hook up my internet without the codes for my phone...or some BS like that. Right.

So I call crazy cable lady again. "Ohhh Mary! I been tryin to call you girl-is your number 812-449-3219 still?" No, it never was. Did she make that up? Was she calling from a walkie-talkie? Did I catch a niner in there?

So she schedules me an appointment for that Saturday (NOVEMBER FREAKING 3RD) from 3-6. Perfect. I can go to Gill's, watch Penn State beat Purdue, have a few beers, drool over the hotness that is Mike the bartender, and come home and get a phone! I get a phone call at noon, the phone people are wondering if they can come by since they are running early (when does THAT happen?). I should have left at halftime to meet them. Hind-sight is always 20/20. Nope, I wasn't at home, they'd have to wait. So I leave the bar at 230, highly satisfied with the win, the cold beer and the hot men. Can I get an AMEN? Not so much?

I had a missed call from the phone guy. He left a message saying he was at my apartment. Dang. I called back and left him a message saying "I'll be there in 15 minutes" while confrused-ed that he was early yet again. He calls back. I say I'm here. He says he's not, my appointment was from 2-4. No no, I protest-it was from 3-6. Nope, 2-4. Stupid cable lady. Well, it's still between 2 and 4, can you come out. Nope, you have to reschedule. Fine, fine, FINE.

Fan-bucking-tastic. (shout out to Angie and Lindley there)

So my next appointment was from 3-6 on Tuesday NOVEMBER 13. I obviously work-so my dad was wonderful and went to my apartment to wait. I call at 430 just to make sure they aren't complete morons and try to call me through the gate (you see, I don't have a PHONE that would be connected to the GATE...). Customer service says their records don't show anybody has come by yet, so they put me through to dispatch. Yeah-idiots. I tell them somebody is there waiting and I just wanted to make sure nobody tries to contact me through the gate. "What is the number m'am?" --the number of the person there, or my number? "Your HOME phone number m'am" (ohhhh, she's sportin some tude now-of course I throw it right back) I don't HAVE a HOME number, that's what I'm calling you about (how much did I want throw "bitch" in there at the end). Yeah--they have no record of my appointment. They can't send anybody out because their technicians go home at 5. "Well that just confuses me" I say, in mocking tone. "Why is that m'am" she says-I could HEAR her eyes roll. "My APPOINTMENT was from 3-6 but nobody works past 5?" She fumbles over words, lame excuse. Whatever, it's not on the books so I give up and speak with Charles in customer service. Bless his heart-he deserves a gold star-he was so nice. I called to reschedule and he says "but you have an appointment from 3-6 on the thirtee...today!" Yes yes, not according to dispatch. So he asks if I'd like to reschedule. "Are they going to show up?" I ask--he laughed. Funny, but not so reassuring. He asks what my schedule is like--I work every day from 9-5:30. Oh. Yeah. So 8-10, Wednesday morning. Dang, sometimes I don't get out of bed until 8. But it's the first appointment-can't be screwed up. MUAHAHAHA

Yeah, they didn't show up. I took time off work, precious time that I will need back when I'm vomiting or when I want to be drinking on a beach somewhere. One could lead to the other actually...

So I'm ENRAGED at this point. I normally don't like complaining. I mean, really. I had to call them to see what the deal was. They were running late. They would TRY to get somebody there before noon. That's HOURS late-why has nobody contacted me? I've taken off work to wait for you yet again. If this is not resolved I WILL take my business elsewhere. I hate dispatch-they are evil. So I ask to speak to customer service again. She answers, I am holding back my four letter words on a string (think Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation-Hallelujah, Holy Shit! Where's the Tylenol?).

"I know you just answered and that it's not your fault, but I need to complain to somebody right now" I get transferred. She encounters the wrath of Mary. This is getting RIDICULOUS!!!! I set up ONE MORE APPOINTMENT--if they didn't show, I was calling AT&T. I even found some customer service "comment" space on their website and wrote a nasty letter. Care for a tasty tid-bit?

"As you can imagine, I am incredibly unhappy and frustrated. I should not have to babysit people to do a job that they are paid to do--much less take time off of my own job. I am losing money by not working as well as losing money by paying for services which have not been rendered...I have another appointment tomorrow from 12-2 which will be my last attempt to do business with Comcast if my services are not connected. I am prepared to take my money elsewhere since it is obviously insignificant to Comcast."

WORD TO YOUR MOTHER.

The Comcast truck broke down yesterday between 12 and 2. They called somebody else, they came by at 3...

AND I HAVE A PHONE...and apparently a new sexual identity. Robert Wilson. That's who I am on caller ID. What?

AND I got a washing machine. I called me mom, whining "This is why I need a boyfriend!" as the water wasn't working. "Is it turned on?" she asks. Light bulb. Wow. This is why I need beer. So I turn the red thing, hear water. I turn the blue thing and water starts dripping out onto the wall. Great. I grab a beer, furious that they delievered a machine with a broken hose. I decide to try this again. I try to pull out the machine, too heavy. So I just lay across the top with my face 3 inches from the nozzle...yes, you see where this is going?

I turn it and think, maybe if it just turns all the way it won't drip cause of the velocity behind it (what? who said that?) Nope, it sprays out. Hard. All over Mary. I looked like a drowned rat. I felt sorry for myself. Then I drank another beer, got pissed off, and realized that it simply wasn't tightened. Problem solved. Hooray, I'm a genius.

So phone-CHECK. Washer and dryer-CHECK. New sexual identity-CHECK CHECK!

Internet...er, um, not so much!

Don't hold your breath kids...could be another ride through Comcast hell.