Gr8, hau weered kan peepel b? Reed on 2 fynd owt

So as many of you know, I am in the world of MySpace and Facebook. I will get some very odd/crude/random/lame messages from time to time...

Here is a clip of a random one:

"...I only look at people for who they are, not how good their body looks. i read some of you blog and no matter what anyone ever tells you, YOU, Mary, have a sharp mind and a wonderfully funny and sweet character. I honestly would like to talk to you, and if you feel comfortable, hang out with you sometime (all spending is on me). You want some drinks, I'll buy them, a movie, tickets are bought, hey a new dress, it's your's. I don't buy affection, I just greatly dislike being cheap, and if a girl is a real woman, she deserves to be treated like one. Whatever you decide is your choice. You are a lovely and smart woman and I know you'll use your mind to make the best decision."

-Okay, I feel really bad posting this on my blog knowing he reads it. However, I don't know him. He is 5 years younger than me (I'm 24, he can't legally buy me drinks, right?) and well, I really just don't respond to that kind of message via facebook/myspace. Sorry buddy, you do get an A for effort though...at least this message just made it into the random category...there are far worse!



Then I got these on MySpace:

"hey baby your hott..i think we could have sum fun!! "-short, to the point...I'm sure like the evening would be (ba-dum ching! count it...)



"To say you are beautiful is to state the obvious, to say you are breath-taking is an understatement but to say I would love to be your friend is to be sincere. Hope we get to chat soon. Stay Charming... "-the title of this message was "Princess"...seriously? I just threw up in my mouth...



"Did you just grab my ass?"-ummm, over the computer? I don't think so...and I just looked at your picture, so I know I wouldn't even virtually attempt to grab that...



"You have great breasts...I mean eyes"-what a great opener...a good one to tell the grandkids the story of how Nana and Paw Paw met...jackass. You have a little...no, very little...tact

"I'm going to be in Memphis the week of March 14 and was wanting somebody to show me around and maybe keep me company. I'd be willing to take you for a nice dinner. Let me know if this sounds like something that you would be interested in"-I'm sorry, does it say on my profile under companies "Whores R Us" or "Prostitute Parlor"? Didn't think so...move along



But yesterday, oh yesterday...I got the greatest one ever. For those of you who know a little about me, you know I HATE it when people can't spell. Even those abbreviations annoy me when used in bulk (u should call l8er 2nite...sweetheart, if I have to take the time to translate it, it's not gonna work out) So imagine my disgust, my horror, and how freaking hard I laughed when I got this message from an 18 year old titled "If only I was older":

"if only i was olderyoued see that i was the one
ifonly i was older i chould hold you at night
if only i was older id make you smile when you cried
if only i was older we chold walk togather
if only iwas older i chould love a butiey like you
if only i was older youed cal me daddy
if only i was older we whould talk for hours
if only i was older youed feel safe in my embrace
if only i was older we whould wach movies all night
if only i was older youed messsage me back"



I mean, how do I respond to that? It's okay you little 18 year old, maybe when you're 21 you'll be older, and MAYBE have learned grammar and spelling by then. In his profile, there are beautiful examples of why children need "Hooked on Phonics" such as "famaly", "deling", "locing", "componey"...aish.
Oh, and I won't be calling you daddy-ever-even if you were 50. Kthanksbye.



I'm in advertising people, and even I can't make this stuff up...

Happy Hump Day!