I am sorry, but this is by far one of the funniest things I have ever seen. I was in tears yesterday because I was laughing so hard. As some of you may know, I was known as "The Goat" by my neighbors when I was younger. The house I grew up in backed up to a farm, and I was fascinated by the goats. So I learned how to imitate one (sound and a facial/mouth thing...don't ask) so the neighbors thought it was hilarious. He even brought me a basket full of toy goats and the book "Three Billy Goats Gruff" for my graduation in May...
So imagine how hard I was laughing when I saw this video...very hard. I almost fell over myself. As my sister said, it's kind of sad, but it's just so funny you can't help but laugh. And even better, she said "What if that happened to us when we got excited or scared?" That mental image alone of my sister falling over every time somebody mentions snow kills me...
So here it is...enjoy...it's getting me through my day (I'm really really annoyed right now)
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
I need a glass, er, bottle of wine...
So to begin my day with, I had to go to downtown to the Cook Convention Center for jury duty. For my friends who don't live here...this is not a good area of town. Parking is limited and well, let's face it, the very diverse population that is Memphis isn't always a positive environment (just saying, since we are on that top 10 most dangerous/crime filled cities).
So it starts at 9. I get downdown at 830 and am STUCK in traffic. As in can't move. So I sit there (wearing a turtleneck sweater and boots--no breast or ankle comments for me today thank you!) in my car, and I mean, the sketchiest of the sketchy people are walking on the sidewalk. Okay, I drive a pretty nice car now. So when these people start crossing the street, looking in my car, bend down on the sidewalk to look in, I get a little squeamish. I'm like, what is going on?! It's like, they dredged up the projects. Are all of these people going to jury duty? I can't even explain how bizarre the scene was. Then I realized that they were all crossing the street to 201 Poplar...which is our court/police department building. Hahaha, figures...these people are probably ones that I will be a juror for in February.
Jury duty wasn't too bad today, they just sat us down, explained how it was our civic duty, and called out weeks for us to serve. I got some good quality people watching done.
So THEN I was going to lunch today from my work. I usually go to Schnuk's for the salad bar. So my building is on an arterial road in Memphis known as Poplar (yes, where 201 is...but much further away).
So the light from Poplar in front of my building is basically a four-way stop sign. EXCEPT for the people coming from Poplar. It makes sense, because if it backs up, major traffic jam on Poplar which is no fun at all! So I'm at a stop sign waiting to turn left to get to the light. So the cars coming from Poplar are crossing in front of me. Well OBVIOUSLY I can't go anywhere with cars coming.
Tell that to the freaking moron behind me!
Cars that come from Poplar sometimes don't know that they're not supposed to stop, so they pause, then the light bulb goes off, and they tear across the intersection. So I never go even if they pause, cause it's only a matter of time before they slam on the gas and into me.
So I sit at my stop sign. The lady behind me honks her horn. I raise my hands as if to say "Nothin I can do!" Then a car pauses, then goes. The woman behind me then lays on her horn a bit longer. Seriously? Then a bunch of cars start going through...so she LAYS on her horn, like, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH (I don't know how to type a horn sound?!) So I whip my head around and try to do the sign "They don't have a stop sign!" Yeah, cause she understood that? It's like when somebody lets you in and you wave and say "Thank you"...they can't hear you, they are in another car!
So then the light ends, but people are still turning right into the building entrance, doing the pause then go thing. So she now stutters the horn in between long honks. I mean, this went on for over a minute. I'm getting SO annoyed at this point. I already had to spend the morning with a bunch of incompetant people, do I really need to be harassed by one right now? Then I see her get out of her car.
She approaches me and I GLADLY roll down my window. Now mind you, I've had people try to confront me before about stupid stuff and I'm always very polite. "Well, I'm sorry m'am, but they don't have a stop sign there"
No no no, not this time. I was highly irritated. And hungry. And tired. Not a good combo woman.
So she walks up, yelling profanities and pointing her finger. When she leans down and gets her finger in my face, I lost that last thread of sanity. I think I turned red and steam came from my ears.
"M'am, your horn is not going to make a stop sign appear in their direction, meaning there is NOT one there right now. So get your hand out of my face, calm the f#&! down, and get back in your car" and roll up the window. She knocked on my window again--and I'm pretty sure she called me a few choice words before she walked away, but whatever, I was right.
Then I had my chance to turn, so I did. But do you have any idea how much I wanted to just sit there to piss her off anymore?
Anyways...thought y'all would appreciate my day as a true Memphian...hanging out by 201 and getting into a traffic altercation...AWESOME.
So it starts at 9. I get downdown at 830 and am STUCK in traffic. As in can't move. So I sit there (wearing a turtleneck sweater and boots--no breast or ankle comments for me today thank you!) in my car, and I mean, the sketchiest of the sketchy people are walking on the sidewalk. Okay, I drive a pretty nice car now. So when these people start crossing the street, looking in my car, bend down on the sidewalk to look in, I get a little squeamish. I'm like, what is going on?! It's like, they dredged up the projects. Are all of these people going to jury duty? I can't even explain how bizarre the scene was. Then I realized that they were all crossing the street to 201 Poplar...which is our court/police department building. Hahaha, figures...these people are probably ones that I will be a juror for in February.
Jury duty wasn't too bad today, they just sat us down, explained how it was our civic duty, and called out weeks for us to serve. I got some good quality people watching done.
So THEN I was going to lunch today from my work. I usually go to Schnuk's for the salad bar. So my building is on an arterial road in Memphis known as Poplar (yes, where 201 is...but much further away).
So the light from Poplar in front of my building is basically a four-way stop sign. EXCEPT for the people coming from Poplar. It makes sense, because if it backs up, major traffic jam on Poplar which is no fun at all! So I'm at a stop sign waiting to turn left to get to the light. So the cars coming from Poplar are crossing in front of me. Well OBVIOUSLY I can't go anywhere with cars coming.
Tell that to the freaking moron behind me!
Cars that come from Poplar sometimes don't know that they're not supposed to stop, so they pause, then the light bulb goes off, and they tear across the intersection. So I never go even if they pause, cause it's only a matter of time before they slam on the gas and into me.
So I sit at my stop sign. The lady behind me honks her horn. I raise my hands as if to say "Nothin I can do!" Then a car pauses, then goes. The woman behind me then lays on her horn a bit longer. Seriously? Then a bunch of cars start going through...so she LAYS on her horn, like, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH (I don't know how to type a horn sound?!) So I whip my head around and try to do the sign "They don't have a stop sign!" Yeah, cause she understood that? It's like when somebody lets you in and you wave and say "Thank you"...they can't hear you, they are in another car!
So then the light ends, but people are still turning right into the building entrance, doing the pause then go thing. So she now stutters the horn in between long honks. I mean, this went on for over a minute. I'm getting SO annoyed at this point. I already had to spend the morning with a bunch of incompetant people, do I really need to be harassed by one right now? Then I see her get out of her car.
She approaches me and I GLADLY roll down my window. Now mind you, I've had people try to confront me before about stupid stuff and I'm always very polite. "Well, I'm sorry m'am, but they don't have a stop sign there"
No no no, not this time. I was highly irritated. And hungry. And tired. Not a good combo woman.
So she walks up, yelling profanities and pointing her finger. When she leans down and gets her finger in my face, I lost that last thread of sanity. I think I turned red and steam came from my ears.
"M'am, your horn is not going to make a stop sign appear in their direction, meaning there is NOT one there right now. So get your hand out of my face, calm the f#&! down, and get back in your car" and roll up the window. She knocked on my window again--and I'm pretty sure she called me a few choice words before she walked away, but whatever, I was right.
Then I had my chance to turn, so I did. But do you have any idea how much I wanted to just sit there to piss her off anymore?
Anyways...thought y'all would appreciate my day as a true Memphian...hanging out by 201 and getting into a traffic altercation...AWESOME.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Jump for My Love!
So...I know my posts are usually pretty funny (okay, at least I think so...y'all probably just roll your eyes) but I am just so so annoyed right now, this is going to basically be a vent. That's right, this is a disclaimer. If you don't like drama...well, then what are you doing on my page to begin with? I'm telling you, my life should be a reality show.
So my post is about friends. Not my true friends, like my sister or my Jennis who I have known for years and STILL manage to make time for me. I'm talking the fair-weather friends-- They only stick around when it's convenient for them.
It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't know that when they tell me they are too busy to hang out, they actually went out elsewhere with other people. As Jen and I vented to each other the other day, it's even worse when these people have boyfriends. And talk to them every day. And probably sleep with them every night. So really, you haven't seen your "best friend" in 3 weeks, but you have to see the guy you see every day and night for dinner...way to prioritize.
My theory on this? If he's the guy for you, you will have the rest of your lives to spend with each other. What if I'm not living near you a year from now? What if I am but I've gotten so fed up with being put on the backburner, that I'm not around when you need a girls night? I'm not one to give up on friendships, but I do have to be a little selfish and think of myself sometimes...and when I'm upset enough to write a blog about this...it's not good for my health!
So don't give me lame excuses. If you're SOOO busy, that's fine, I get it. I've been there. But if you're just WAY too busy until 7pm when you then go out with your boyfriend for dinner and drinks...nope, sorry. Lost my sympathy right there.
And ANOTHER thing, and I really hate this one. Do not expect me to feel bad for you when I get a message on facebook or IM or a missed call with you saying "Are you alive? I feel like I haven't seen you in forever!" Do NOT put that guilt trip on me. I am one of those people who anytime I go out, I'll invite everybody. I try to have get togethers. I have most likely sent you several e-mails or texts inviting you out. Do I EVER hear back from you? So yes, I'm alive. Have you gone blind recently or just lost all capability of communication?
I know I'm guilty of the not-returned call. But please people, do you drive anywhere during the day? So you can't pick up the phone "Hey, I'm on my way to x event and can't talk long, but just wanted to say thanks for the invite and we should hang out soon".
I feel like my girlfriends are getting as complicated as men--I should NOT have to feel rejected by them too! So let's call this a healthy therapy session where I have gotten pissed off enough to vent...
Now for something happy that always manages to get me in the Christmas spirit...or just a happy mood...
So my post is about friends. Not my true friends, like my sister or my Jennis who I have known for years and STILL manage to make time for me. I'm talking the fair-weather friends-- They only stick around when it's convenient for them.
It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't know that when they tell me they are too busy to hang out, they actually went out elsewhere with other people. As Jen and I vented to each other the other day, it's even worse when these people have boyfriends. And talk to them every day. And probably sleep with them every night. So really, you haven't seen your "best friend" in 3 weeks, but you have to see the guy you see every day and night for dinner...way to prioritize.
My theory on this? If he's the guy for you, you will have the rest of your lives to spend with each other. What if I'm not living near you a year from now? What if I am but I've gotten so fed up with being put on the backburner, that I'm not around when you need a girls night? I'm not one to give up on friendships, but I do have to be a little selfish and think of myself sometimes...and when I'm upset enough to write a blog about this...it's not good for my health!
So don't give me lame excuses. If you're SOOO busy, that's fine, I get it. I've been there. But if you're just WAY too busy until 7pm when you then go out with your boyfriend for dinner and drinks...nope, sorry. Lost my sympathy right there.
And ANOTHER thing, and I really hate this one. Do not expect me to feel bad for you when I get a message on facebook or IM or a missed call with you saying "Are you alive? I feel like I haven't seen you in forever!" Do NOT put that guilt trip on me. I am one of those people who anytime I go out, I'll invite everybody. I try to have get togethers. I have most likely sent you several e-mails or texts inviting you out. Do I EVER hear back from you? So yes, I'm alive. Have you gone blind recently or just lost all capability of communication?
I know I'm guilty of the not-returned call. But please people, do you drive anywhere during the day? So you can't pick up the phone "Hey, I'm on my way to x event and can't talk long, but just wanted to say thanks for the invite and we should hang out soon".
I feel like my girlfriends are getting as complicated as men--I should NOT have to feel rejected by them too! So let's call this a healthy therapy session where I have gotten pissed off enough to vent...
Now for something happy that always manages to get me in the Christmas spirit...or just a happy mood...
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Gr8, hau weered kan peepel b? Reed on 2 fynd owt
So as many of you know, I am in the world of MySpace and Facebook. I will get some very odd/crude/random/lame messages from time to time...
Here is a clip of a random one:
"...I only look at people for who they are, not how good their body looks. i read some of you blog and no matter what anyone ever tells you, YOU, Mary, have a sharp mind and a wonderfully funny and sweet character. I honestly would like to talk to you, and if you feel comfortable, hang out with you sometime (all spending is on me). You want some drinks, I'll buy them, a movie, tickets are bought, hey a new dress, it's your's. I don't buy affection, I just greatly dislike being cheap, and if a girl is a real woman, she deserves to be treated like one. Whatever you decide is your choice. You are a lovely and smart woman and I know you'll use your mind to make the best decision."
-Okay, I feel really bad posting this on my blog knowing he reads it. However, I don't know him. He is 5 years younger than me (I'm 24, he can't legally buy me drinks, right?) and well, I really just don't respond to that kind of message via facebook/myspace. Sorry buddy, you do get an A for effort though...at least this message just made it into the random category...there are far worse!
Then I got these on MySpace:
"hey baby your hott..i think we could have sum fun!! "-short, to the point...I'm sure like the evening would be (ba-dum ching! count it...)
"To say you are beautiful is to state the obvious, to say you are breath-taking is an understatement but to say I would love to be your friend is to be sincere. Hope we get to chat soon. Stay Charming... "-the title of this message was "Princess"...seriously? I just threw up in my mouth...
"Did you just grab my ass?"-ummm, over the computer? I don't think so...and I just looked at your picture, so I know I wouldn't even virtually attempt to grab that...
"You have great breasts...I mean eyes"-what a great opener...a good one to tell the grandkids the story of how Nana and Paw Paw met...jackass. You have a little...no, very little...tact
"I'm going to be in Memphis the week of March 14 and was wanting somebody to show me around and maybe keep me company. I'd be willing to take you for a nice dinner. Let me know if this sounds like something that you would be interested in"-I'm sorry, does it say on my profile under companies "Whores R Us" or "Prostitute Parlor"? Didn't think so...move along
But yesterday, oh yesterday...I got the greatest one ever. For those of you who know a little about me, you know I HATE it when people can't spell. Even those abbreviations annoy me when used in bulk (u should call l8er 2nite...sweetheart, if I have to take the time to translate it, it's not gonna work out) So imagine my disgust, my horror, and how freaking hard I laughed when I got this message from an 18 year old titled "If only I was older":
"if only i was olderyoued see that i was the one
ifonly i was older i chould hold you at night
if only i was older id make you smile when you cried
if only i was older we chold walk togather
if only iwas older i chould love a butiey like you
if only i was older youed cal me daddy
if only i was older we whould talk for hours
if only i was older youed feel safe in my embrace
if only i was older we whould wach movies all night
if only i was older youed messsage me back"
I mean, how do I respond to that? It's okay you little 18 year old, maybe when you're 21 you'll be older, and MAYBE have learned grammar and spelling by then. In his profile, there are beautiful examples of why children need "Hooked on Phonics" such as "famaly", "deling", "locing", "componey"...aish.
Oh, and I won't be calling you daddy-ever-even if you were 50. Kthanksbye.
I'm in advertising people, and even I can't make this stuff up...
Happy Hump Day!
Here is a clip of a random one:
"...I only look at people for who they are, not how good their body looks. i read some of you blog and no matter what anyone ever tells you, YOU, Mary, have a sharp mind and a wonderfully funny and sweet character. I honestly would like to talk to you, and if you feel comfortable, hang out with you sometime (all spending is on me). You want some drinks, I'll buy them, a movie, tickets are bought, hey a new dress, it's your's. I don't buy affection, I just greatly dislike being cheap, and if a girl is a real woman, she deserves to be treated like one. Whatever you decide is your choice. You are a lovely and smart woman and I know you'll use your mind to make the best decision."
-Okay, I feel really bad posting this on my blog knowing he reads it. However, I don't know him. He is 5 years younger than me (I'm 24, he can't legally buy me drinks, right?) and well, I really just don't respond to that kind of message via facebook/myspace. Sorry buddy, you do get an A for effort though...at least this message just made it into the random category...there are far worse!
Then I got these on MySpace:
"hey baby your hott..i think we could have sum fun!! "-short, to the point...I'm sure like the evening would be (ba-dum ching! count it...)
"To say you are beautiful is to state the obvious, to say you are breath-taking is an understatement but to say I would love to be your friend is to be sincere. Hope we get to chat soon. Stay Charming... "-the title of this message was "Princess"...seriously? I just threw up in my mouth...
"Did you just grab my ass?"-ummm, over the computer? I don't think so...and I just looked at your picture, so I know I wouldn't even virtually attempt to grab that...
"You have great breasts...I mean eyes"-what a great opener...a good one to tell the grandkids the story of how Nana and Paw Paw met...jackass. You have a little...no, very little...tact
"I'm going to be in Memphis the week of March 14 and was wanting somebody to show me around and maybe keep me company. I'd be willing to take you for a nice dinner. Let me know if this sounds like something that you would be interested in"-I'm sorry, does it say on my profile under companies "Whores R Us" or "Prostitute Parlor"? Didn't think so...move along
But yesterday, oh yesterday...I got the greatest one ever. For those of you who know a little about me, you know I HATE it when people can't spell. Even those abbreviations annoy me when used in bulk (u should call l8er 2nite...sweetheart, if I have to take the time to translate it, it's not gonna work out) So imagine my disgust, my horror, and how freaking hard I laughed when I got this message from an 18 year old titled "If only I was older":
"if only i was olderyoued see that i was the one
ifonly i was older i chould hold you at night
if only i was older id make you smile when you cried
if only i was older we chold walk togather
if only iwas older i chould love a butiey like you
if only i was older youed cal me daddy
if only i was older we whould talk for hours
if only i was older youed feel safe in my embrace
if only i was older we whould wach movies all night
if only i was older youed messsage me back"
I mean, how do I respond to that? It's okay you little 18 year old, maybe when you're 21 you'll be older, and MAYBE have learned grammar and spelling by then. In his profile, there are beautiful examples of why children need "Hooked on Phonics" such as "famaly", "deling", "locing", "componey"...aish.
Oh, and I won't be calling you daddy-ever-even if you were 50. Kthanksbye.
I'm in advertising people, and even I can't make this stuff up...
Happy Hump Day!
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Christmas is soon Aunt Mary!!
So as many of you may have noticed from various profiles (myspace, facebook...ok, well 2 profiles) I am READY for the Christmas season!
Since I was going to be out of town for the days after Thanksgiving, which is usually the preferable time for my family and I to begin decorating, I decided to spiff up my apartment with the Christmas spirit a little early!!
Much to my dismay, although this might change, I did not buy a real tree for my apartment! Ya know, I live alone and I'll be spending Christmas at my parents anyways-and they WILL have a real tree! So sac-relig on my part though since I believe fake trees are only supplemental to real ones. Oh well, we'll see...I'll probably see a cute little one and have to have it!
Anyways--I decorated my tree and then my mom bought me TONS of beautiful ornaments that she got in Chicago--SO more red and green glitz and glitter! I also have beautiful red letters that spell out "Believe" that I set across my tv. I have nutcrackers going up the stairs. I have a wreath out on my door. I have a few snowglobes--with plenty more to come (I collect them and still have a lot at home!). And let's not forget the little Hallmark snowmen that have little dogs and penguins that sing and dance!
How perfect is it that I have so much red in my apartment already, it coordinates so well!
On another note...I'm even more in the Christmas spirit in getting ready for tonight...
As many of you know, I have an obsession with Shrek...well, the movies. Donkey is my absolute favorite. I quote him often, and sometimes just talk like him. WELL--tonight SHREK THE HALLS IS ON! I am super stoked about this event and have been playing Christmas music at the office today. I mean, I thought it was amazing when I bought Shrek the 3rd (already watched it twice) but a Christmas special?!
That's really all for now...I just had to express my excitement! I'll be putting up a blog about my weekend to Auburn when I get my pictures scanned (this no camera thing sucks-but they pictures are SO cute!). Hope everybody is doing well and getting in the Christmas spirit...I watched little Pooker last night and he informed me that Christmas is coming soon!! He also talked to Miss Lindsay on the phone and said War Eagle (which he kept saying after that-sorry Lindley and Chad!).
"Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas..." (that's for you biffer)
Since I was going to be out of town for the days after Thanksgiving, which is usually the preferable time for my family and I to begin decorating, I decided to spiff up my apartment with the Christmas spirit a little early!!
Much to my dismay, although this might change, I did not buy a real tree for my apartment! Ya know, I live alone and I'll be spending Christmas at my parents anyways-and they WILL have a real tree! So sac-relig on my part though since I believe fake trees are only supplemental to real ones. Oh well, we'll see...I'll probably see a cute little one and have to have it!
Anyways--I decorated my tree and then my mom bought me TONS of beautiful ornaments that she got in Chicago--SO more red and green glitz and glitter! I also have beautiful red letters that spell out "Believe" that I set across my tv. I have nutcrackers going up the stairs. I have a wreath out on my door. I have a few snowglobes--with plenty more to come (I collect them and still have a lot at home!). And let's not forget the little Hallmark snowmen that have little dogs and penguins that sing and dance!
How perfect is it that I have so much red in my apartment already, it coordinates so well!
On another note...I'm even more in the Christmas spirit in getting ready for tonight...
As many of you know, I have an obsession with Shrek...well, the movies. Donkey is my absolute favorite. I quote him often, and sometimes just talk like him. WELL--tonight SHREK THE HALLS IS ON! I am super stoked about this event and have been playing Christmas music at the office today. I mean, I thought it was amazing when I bought Shrek the 3rd (already watched it twice) but a Christmas special?!
That's really all for now...I just had to express my excitement! I'll be putting up a blog about my weekend to Auburn when I get my pictures scanned (this no camera thing sucks-but they pictures are SO cute!). Hope everybody is doing well and getting in the Christmas spirit...I watched little Pooker last night and he informed me that Christmas is coming soon!! He also talked to Miss Lindsay on the phone and said War Eagle (which he kept saying after that-sorry Lindley and Chad!).
"Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas..." (that's for you biffer)
Monday, November 12, 2007
2 Months...
2 months...THAT'S how long I had to go without phone and internet service...thank you Comcast. I'm writing in Red cause it's PASSIONATE-ENRAGED-FIRE-FURY-and it's preeeettttttyyyy!
As you read previously, my cable lady was weird. Well, then she just pissed me off. I kept calling her about my phone. Normally, it wouldn't be such a big deal since I have my cell. However, we have a gate that my friends can call from and I can beep them in. Without a phone though, I have to go out and let them in-which is a pain if it's raining or if they show up at different times. Currently, the gate phone dials my parents house-which makes me laugh, especially when Becky didn't know that and said something like "Hey hot stuff"-thoroughly confusing my mom. Good times.
So cable lady kinda strung me along. Every time I called she's like "Ohhh Mary! I've been talking to your apartment-we're still trying to get those last numbers of the zip code to set up the phones. It'll be a week!" Then a week later "It should only be a few days!" Then the next week "I don't know what the hold up is!"
So I called my apartment-because it was nearing the end of October and I was getting annoyed. They had no idea what I was talking about. Actually, "Your building has had phone service for the past month" Great. Grand. WONDERFUL!
Did I mention they couldn't hook up my internet without the codes for my phone...or some BS like that. Right.
So I call crazy cable lady again. "Ohhh Mary! I been tryin to call you girl-is your number 812-449-3219 still?" No, it never was. Did she make that up? Was she calling from a walkie-talkie? Did I catch a niner in there?
So she schedules me an appointment for that Saturday (NOVEMBER FREAKING 3RD) from 3-6. Perfect. I can go to Gill's, watch Penn State beat Purdue, have a few beers, drool over the hotness that is Mike the bartender, and come home and get a phone! I get a phone call at noon, the phone people are wondering if they can come by since they are running early (when does THAT happen?). I should have left at halftime to meet them. Hind-sight is always 20/20. Nope, I wasn't at home, they'd have to wait. So I leave the bar at 230, highly satisfied with the win, the cold beer and the hot men. Can I get an AMEN? Not so much?
I had a missed call from the phone guy. He left a message saying he was at my apartment. Dang. I called back and left him a message saying "I'll be there in 15 minutes" while confrused-ed that he was early yet again. He calls back. I say I'm here. He says he's not, my appointment was from 2-4. No no, I protest-it was from 3-6. Nope, 2-4. Stupid cable lady. Well, it's still between 2 and 4, can you come out. Nope, you have to reschedule. Fine, fine, FINE.
Fan-bucking-tastic. (shout out to Angie and Lindley there)
So my next appointment was from 3-6 on Tuesday NOVEMBER 13. I obviously work-so my dad was wonderful and went to my apartment to wait. I call at 430 just to make sure they aren't complete morons and try to call me through the gate (you see, I don't have a PHONE that would be connected to the GATE...). Customer service says their records don't show anybody has come by yet, so they put me through to dispatch. Yeah-idiots. I tell them somebody is there waiting and I just wanted to make sure nobody tries to contact me through the gate. "What is the number m'am?" --the number of the person there, or my number? "Your HOME phone number m'am" (ohhhh, she's sportin some tude now-of course I throw it right back) I don't HAVE a HOME number, that's what I'm calling you about (how much did I want throw "bitch" in there at the end). Yeah--they have no record of my appointment. They can't send anybody out because their technicians go home at 5. "Well that just confuses me" I say, in mocking tone. "Why is that m'am" she says-I could HEAR her eyes roll. "My APPOINTMENT was from 3-6 but nobody works past 5?" She fumbles over words, lame excuse. Whatever, it's not on the books so I give up and speak with Charles in customer service. Bless his heart-he deserves a gold star-he was so nice. I called to reschedule and he says "but you have an appointment from 3-6 on the thirtee...today!" Yes yes, not according to dispatch. So he asks if I'd like to reschedule. "Are they going to show up?" I ask--he laughed. Funny, but not so reassuring. He asks what my schedule is like--I work every day from 9-5:30. Oh. Yeah. So 8-10, Wednesday morning. Dang, sometimes I don't get out of bed until 8. But it's the first appointment-can't be screwed up. MUAHAHAHA
Yeah, they didn't show up. I took time off work, precious time that I will need back when I'm vomiting or when I want to be drinking on a beach somewhere. One could lead to the other actually...
So I'm ENRAGED at this point. I normally don't like complaining. I mean, really. I had to call them to see what the deal was. They were running late. They would TRY to get somebody there before noon. That's HOURS late-why has nobody contacted me? I've taken off work to wait for you yet again. If this is not resolved I WILL take my business elsewhere. I hate dispatch-they are evil. So I ask to speak to customer service again. She answers, I am holding back my four letter words on a string (think Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation-Hallelujah, Holy Shit! Where's the Tylenol?).
"I know you just answered and that it's not your fault, but I need to complain to somebody right now" I get transferred. She encounters the wrath of Mary. This is getting RIDICULOUS!!!! I set up ONE MORE APPOINTMENT--if they didn't show, I was calling AT&T. I even found some customer service "comment" space on their website and wrote a nasty letter. Care for a tasty tid-bit?
"As you can imagine, I am incredibly unhappy and frustrated. I should not have to babysit people to do a job that they are paid to do--much less take time off of my own job. I am losing money by not working as well as losing money by paying for services which have not been rendered...I have another appointment tomorrow from 12-2 which will be my last attempt to do business with Comcast if my services are not connected. I am prepared to take my money elsewhere since it is obviously insignificant to Comcast."
WORD TO YOUR MOTHER.
The Comcast truck broke down yesterday between 12 and 2. They called somebody else, they came by at 3...
AND I HAVE A PHONE...and apparently a new sexual identity. Robert Wilson. That's who I am on caller ID. What?
AND I got a washing machine. I called me mom, whining "This is why I need a boyfriend!" as the water wasn't working. "Is it turned on?" she asks. Light bulb. Wow. This is why I need beer. So I turn the red thing, hear water. I turn the blue thing and water starts dripping out onto the wall. Great. I grab a beer, furious that they delievered a machine with a broken hose. I decide to try this again. I try to pull out the machine, too heavy. So I just lay across the top with my face 3 inches from the nozzle...yes, you see where this is going?
I turn it and think, maybe if it just turns all the way it won't drip cause of the velocity behind it (what? who said that?) Nope, it sprays out. Hard. All over Mary. I looked like a drowned rat. I felt sorry for myself. Then I drank another beer, got pissed off, and realized that it simply wasn't tightened. Problem solved. Hooray, I'm a genius.
So phone-CHECK. Washer and dryer-CHECK. New sexual identity-CHECK CHECK!
Internet...er, um, not so much!
Don't hold your breath kids...could be another ride through Comcast hell.
As you read previously, my cable lady was weird. Well, then she just pissed me off. I kept calling her about my phone. Normally, it wouldn't be such a big deal since I have my cell. However, we have a gate that my friends can call from and I can beep them in. Without a phone though, I have to go out and let them in-which is a pain if it's raining or if they show up at different times. Currently, the gate phone dials my parents house-which makes me laugh, especially when Becky didn't know that and said something like "Hey hot stuff"-thoroughly confusing my mom. Good times.
So cable lady kinda strung me along. Every time I called she's like "Ohhh Mary! I've been talking to your apartment-we're still trying to get those last numbers of the zip code to set up the phones. It'll be a week!" Then a week later "It should only be a few days!" Then the next week "I don't know what the hold up is!"
So I called my apartment-because it was nearing the end of October and I was getting annoyed. They had no idea what I was talking about. Actually, "Your building has had phone service for the past month" Great. Grand. WONDERFUL!
Did I mention they couldn't hook up my internet without the codes for my phone...or some BS like that. Right.
So I call crazy cable lady again. "Ohhh Mary! I been tryin to call you girl-is your number 812-449-3219 still?" No, it never was. Did she make that up? Was she calling from a walkie-talkie? Did I catch a niner in there?
So she schedules me an appointment for that Saturday (NOVEMBER FREAKING 3RD) from 3-6. Perfect. I can go to Gill's, watch Penn State beat Purdue, have a few beers, drool over the hotness that is Mike the bartender, and come home and get a phone! I get a phone call at noon, the phone people are wondering if they can come by since they are running early (when does THAT happen?). I should have left at halftime to meet them. Hind-sight is always 20/20. Nope, I wasn't at home, they'd have to wait. So I leave the bar at 230, highly satisfied with the win, the cold beer and the hot men. Can I get an AMEN? Not so much?
I had a missed call from the phone guy. He left a message saying he was at my apartment. Dang. I called back and left him a message saying "I'll be there in 15 minutes" while confrused-ed that he was early yet again. He calls back. I say I'm here. He says he's not, my appointment was from 2-4. No no, I protest-it was from 3-6. Nope, 2-4. Stupid cable lady. Well, it's still between 2 and 4, can you come out. Nope, you have to reschedule. Fine, fine, FINE.
Fan-bucking-tastic. (shout out to Angie and Lindley there)
So my next appointment was from 3-6 on Tuesday NOVEMBER 13. I obviously work-so my dad was wonderful and went to my apartment to wait. I call at 430 just to make sure they aren't complete morons and try to call me through the gate (you see, I don't have a PHONE that would be connected to the GATE...). Customer service says their records don't show anybody has come by yet, so they put me through to dispatch. Yeah-idiots. I tell them somebody is there waiting and I just wanted to make sure nobody tries to contact me through the gate. "What is the number m'am?" --the number of the person there, or my number? "Your HOME phone number m'am" (ohhhh, she's sportin some tude now-of course I throw it right back) I don't HAVE a HOME number, that's what I'm calling you about (how much did I want throw "bitch" in there at the end). Yeah--they have no record of my appointment. They can't send anybody out because their technicians go home at 5. "Well that just confuses me" I say, in mocking tone. "Why is that m'am" she says-I could HEAR her eyes roll. "My APPOINTMENT was from 3-6 but nobody works past 5?" She fumbles over words, lame excuse. Whatever, it's not on the books so I give up and speak with Charles in customer service. Bless his heart-he deserves a gold star-he was so nice. I called to reschedule and he says "but you have an appointment from 3-6 on the thirtee...today!" Yes yes, not according to dispatch. So he asks if I'd like to reschedule. "Are they going to show up?" I ask--he laughed. Funny, but not so reassuring. He asks what my schedule is like--I work every day from 9-5:30. Oh. Yeah. So 8-10, Wednesday morning. Dang, sometimes I don't get out of bed until 8. But it's the first appointment-can't be screwed up. MUAHAHAHA
Yeah, they didn't show up. I took time off work, precious time that I will need back when I'm vomiting or when I want to be drinking on a beach somewhere. One could lead to the other actually...
So I'm ENRAGED at this point. I normally don't like complaining. I mean, really. I had to call them to see what the deal was. They were running late. They would TRY to get somebody there before noon. That's HOURS late-why has nobody contacted me? I've taken off work to wait for you yet again. If this is not resolved I WILL take my business elsewhere. I hate dispatch-they are evil. So I ask to speak to customer service again. She answers, I am holding back my four letter words on a string (think Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation-Hallelujah, Holy Shit! Where's the Tylenol?).
"I know you just answered and that it's not your fault, but I need to complain to somebody right now" I get transferred. She encounters the wrath of Mary. This is getting RIDICULOUS!!!! I set up ONE MORE APPOINTMENT--if they didn't show, I was calling AT&T. I even found some customer service "comment" space on their website and wrote a nasty letter. Care for a tasty tid-bit?
"As you can imagine, I am incredibly unhappy and frustrated. I should not have to babysit people to do a job that they are paid to do--much less take time off of my own job. I am losing money by not working as well as losing money by paying for services which have not been rendered...I have another appointment tomorrow from 12-2 which will be my last attempt to do business with Comcast if my services are not connected. I am prepared to take my money elsewhere since it is obviously insignificant to Comcast."
WORD TO YOUR MOTHER.
The Comcast truck broke down yesterday between 12 and 2. They called somebody else, they came by at 3...
AND I HAVE A PHONE...and apparently a new sexual identity. Robert Wilson. That's who I am on caller ID. What?
AND I got a washing machine. I called me mom, whining "This is why I need a boyfriend!" as the water wasn't working. "Is it turned on?" she asks. Light bulb. Wow. This is why I need beer. So I turn the red thing, hear water. I turn the blue thing and water starts dripping out onto the wall. Great. I grab a beer, furious that they delievered a machine with a broken hose. I decide to try this again. I try to pull out the machine, too heavy. So I just lay across the top with my face 3 inches from the nozzle...yes, you see where this is going?
I turn it and think, maybe if it just turns all the way it won't drip cause of the velocity behind it (what? who said that?) Nope, it sprays out. Hard. All over Mary. I looked like a drowned rat. I felt sorry for myself. Then I drank another beer, got pissed off, and realized that it simply wasn't tightened. Problem solved. Hooray, I'm a genius.
So phone-CHECK. Washer and dryer-CHECK. New sexual identity-CHECK CHECK!
Internet...er, um, not so much!
Don't hold your breath kids...could be another ride through Comcast hell.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Seriously?
SO-we all know my luck with men...
Right, moving on then cause I don't like to dwell on that sad fact.
Anyways, for some reason lately, I've been attracting even more unusual, nasty men. Hard to believe things can get weirder than Busta and Richie Rich...alas, they can.
So a few weeks ago at Fox and Hound, Becky, Tanya and I went to watch the Steelers/Denver game. Not a happy outcome for me. However, there was an extremely obnoxious and large Denver fan at the table across from us. And by obnoxious, I mean he would talk to me from the NEXT TABLE and I swear to you people in my apartment complex could hear him. And when he yelled...wow. So he keeps talking to us from the next table. He sends me a shot at halftime since my team was going to lose. Then toward the end of the game, he comes over with another shot for when the Steelers lost and sat right next to Becky and I. I made him promise not to yell...which he couldn't do...and so I think Becky has permanent hearing damage. This guy is about 40 and about 400 pounds, balding-picturing him in your head? Hot, I know. We ended up playing a game of shuffleboard with him and his friends--during which Tanya named him "Princess" (which I found hilarious). At the end of the night, he asked for my number. I gave him the wrong one. Chalk one up for Mary-I avoided the random phone call from creepy guy (and yes, Richie Rich is STILL calling me-I almost answered it during the football game weekend at PSU cause I had a little alcohol in my system and didn't recognize the number!)
So this past Monday night--Steelers game--Flying Saucer. Becky and I go to grab food and, well, beer. I see somebody from the bar point and start waving. I look away. "Oh God Becky, it's the fox and hound guy" He gets up and walks over. Yup, still obnoxious. We end up at a table with them (okay, stupid I know, but we were in bad seats and couldn't see the tv). So I'm like, I gave him the wrong number--maybe he didn't try to call? Nope...he even brings it up! "Yeah, you gave me the wrong number. It's okay, I would have too-there are a lot of weird people out there". I think that's the first intelligent thing he said. But really, I gave him the wrong number and he's still trying? Not too bright there princess. So then Andy comes and meets up with us--and wow was princess jealous. He barely said a word the rest of the night and I thought it was hilarious!! And THAT is what guy friends are for...hooray!
Then there are those who are not so easily dissuaded...
The Grizzlies games. My sister knows who I'm about to talk about. There is a guy who sits in front of us who is obnoxious and large (are we seeing a trend here?). Except this particular guy adds "disgusting" along with many other highly descriptive words to the list...
He yells at the refs the whole game, yells at the teams and makes the absolute dumbest comments...and if you could only hear his voice...it's like a high pitched Lil Jon "Yeah"-but constant! He also does the Lil John "WHAT" between the "Defense" chants..so instead of"DE-FENSE (clap clap) DE-FENSE (clap clap)" you hear "DE-FENSE WHAAAT DE-FENSE WHAAAT". Favorite the other night was "There must be a hampster in the ball-keep rollin off the dang rim!". Also-to the refs "What?! This is basketball ref, contact is allowed. If you don't want contact, go ref baseball!" And of course it's always fun when he turns around and just starts talking to you like you were having a conversation with him. Or when I lean over and ask my sister something completely sarcastic, he'll turn around and answer. Yeah, wasn't talking to you. Thanks for playing.
Now ladies and gentlemen, if you have weak stomachs, sit down. Get a vomit bag. Prepare your gag reflexes. Grab your security blanket, teddy bear, whatever. If you sit behind him, bring a drop cloth for your lap. This extremely large, obnoxious guy likes to PICK his HEAD during the game. Sometimes it's casual scratches. Then sometimes he pops zits on the back of his neck. I mean really, if you order food...you could potentially get extra toppings. He also picks scabs on his arms. He also bites his nails and SPITS them across the aisle. And this tons of fun guy also enjoys dancing in his seat. Or when somebody has to get by, he doesn't get up (being on the aisle, this would be easiest)--he stands and leans on the back of the seat so that his ass hangs over onto the persons (me or people I'm with) lap behind him. Yeah-not the kind of lap dance you'd want. He also gets mega huge sweat stains on the back of his shirt that I could see on tv from like, 30 rows back. Ew.
So what does this have to do with Mary and her creepy men you ask? Last year once, he was standing before a game and I walked up and he looked me up and down and made a nasty grunting sound before saying "DAMN". Okay, even writing that almost made me throw up in my mouth. So this season, I was sitting a few seats away, and he kept staring. I mean, not glances. Like I'd feel him staring at me for a minute or two at a time. When I'd look over, he'd quickly look away so he "wouldn't get caught". Now he's started throwing in the "Damn" when he looks back. So is it sad to say that I'd rather sit behind him and risk getting my legs sprinkled with who knows that than sit to the side where he just stares at me? I think so....
More adventures to come-I'm sure! Enjoy...keep posting comments =)
Right, moving on then cause I don't like to dwell on that sad fact.
Anyways, for some reason lately, I've been attracting even more unusual, nasty men. Hard to believe things can get weirder than Busta and Richie Rich...alas, they can.
So a few weeks ago at Fox and Hound, Becky, Tanya and I went to watch the Steelers/Denver game. Not a happy outcome for me. However, there was an extremely obnoxious and large Denver fan at the table across from us. And by obnoxious, I mean he would talk to me from the NEXT TABLE and I swear to you people in my apartment complex could hear him. And when he yelled...wow. So he keeps talking to us from the next table. He sends me a shot at halftime since my team was going to lose. Then toward the end of the game, he comes over with another shot for when the Steelers lost and sat right next to Becky and I. I made him promise not to yell...which he couldn't do...and so I think Becky has permanent hearing damage. This guy is about 40 and about 400 pounds, balding-picturing him in your head? Hot, I know. We ended up playing a game of shuffleboard with him and his friends--during which Tanya named him "Princess" (which I found hilarious). At the end of the night, he asked for my number. I gave him the wrong one. Chalk one up for Mary-I avoided the random phone call from creepy guy (and yes, Richie Rich is STILL calling me-I almost answered it during the football game weekend at PSU cause I had a little alcohol in my system and didn't recognize the number!)
So this past Monday night--Steelers game--Flying Saucer. Becky and I go to grab food and, well, beer. I see somebody from the bar point and start waving. I look away. "Oh God Becky, it's the fox and hound guy" He gets up and walks over. Yup, still obnoxious. We end up at a table with them (okay, stupid I know, but we were in bad seats and couldn't see the tv). So I'm like, I gave him the wrong number--maybe he didn't try to call? Nope...he even brings it up! "Yeah, you gave me the wrong number. It's okay, I would have too-there are a lot of weird people out there". I think that's the first intelligent thing he said. But really, I gave him the wrong number and he's still trying? Not too bright there princess. So then Andy comes and meets up with us--and wow was princess jealous. He barely said a word the rest of the night and I thought it was hilarious!! And THAT is what guy friends are for...hooray!
Then there are those who are not so easily dissuaded...
The Grizzlies games. My sister knows who I'm about to talk about. There is a guy who sits in front of us who is obnoxious and large (are we seeing a trend here?). Except this particular guy adds "disgusting" along with many other highly descriptive words to the list...
He yells at the refs the whole game, yells at the teams and makes the absolute dumbest comments...and if you could only hear his voice...it's like a high pitched Lil Jon "Yeah"-but constant! He also does the Lil John "WHAT" between the "Defense" chants..so instead of"DE-FENSE (clap clap) DE-FENSE (clap clap)" you hear "DE-FENSE WHAAAT DE-FENSE WHAAAT". Favorite the other night was "There must be a hampster in the ball-keep rollin off the dang rim!". Also-to the refs "What?! This is basketball ref, contact is allowed. If you don't want contact, go ref baseball!" And of course it's always fun when he turns around and just starts talking to you like you were having a conversation with him. Or when I lean over and ask my sister something completely sarcastic, he'll turn around and answer. Yeah, wasn't talking to you. Thanks for playing.
Now ladies and gentlemen, if you have weak stomachs, sit down. Get a vomit bag. Prepare your gag reflexes. Grab your security blanket, teddy bear, whatever. If you sit behind him, bring a drop cloth for your lap. This extremely large, obnoxious guy likes to PICK his HEAD during the game. Sometimes it's casual scratches. Then sometimes he pops zits on the back of his neck. I mean really, if you order food...you could potentially get extra toppings. He also picks scabs on his arms. He also bites his nails and SPITS them across the aisle. And this tons of fun guy also enjoys dancing in his seat. Or when somebody has to get by, he doesn't get up (being on the aisle, this would be easiest)--he stands and leans on the back of the seat so that his ass hangs over onto the persons (me or people I'm with) lap behind him. Yeah-not the kind of lap dance you'd want. He also gets mega huge sweat stains on the back of his shirt that I could see on tv from like, 30 rows back. Ew.
So what does this have to do with Mary and her creepy men you ask? Last year once, he was standing before a game and I walked up and he looked me up and down and made a nasty grunting sound before saying "DAMN". Okay, even writing that almost made me throw up in my mouth. So this season, I was sitting a few seats away, and he kept staring. I mean, not glances. Like I'd feel him staring at me for a minute or two at a time. When I'd look over, he'd quickly look away so he "wouldn't get caught". Now he's started throwing in the "Damn" when he looks back. So is it sad to say that I'd rather sit behind him and risk getting my legs sprinkled with who knows that than sit to the side where he just stares at me? I think so....
More adventures to come-I'm sure! Enjoy...keep posting comments =)
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