So I got to babysit my little Pooker last night for a little bit while Lindley and Chad ran to a meeting. I KNEW it was going to be a fun night when I hear "Aunt Mary!!" in a very excited Luke voice when I walked in. And then of course when we were on our way upstairs to play with the trains and he turns around and says "Okay, bye Mommy and Daddy". He was ready for some Aunt Mary time!
So we play trains-Thomas and Percy and Laurie and I forget the others he rattled off. Then we move to some other things that sing and light up. He danced a little-then it was time to get serious. He asked me to play "Peace Like a River" so I do and he danced his little heart out--which basically means he runs around in circles and giggles. Quite precious if I do say so myself. So I had been playing with Mocha on the floor, and my scarf that I had tied around my head had slipped off, so I just put it on the table, still tied. Luke runs over "It's a Christmas wreath!" I laughed so hard. "No Luke, that's Aunt Mary's scarf. I wear it on my head!" "Put it on Luke's head?" he asks. So I do, and giggle cause he looked adorable. I pick him up and take him to the mirror "I'm SO cool!" he exlaimed. Seriously? I am laughing right now thinking about it, so freaking cute!
I believe he also made a discovery. I was on the phone with my parents and he was standing next to me and kind of peeked down my shirt. No biggie. Then he takes his hand and puts it in the v-neck of my sweater and pulls it out and kind of looks down again. Yes Lindley, your son has discovered boobs. I was laughing so hard.
So then we play with the play food and I realize it's time to put him down. So I tell him we'll put on his PJ's, eat our "dinner" (play food), brush our teeth, read and then go to bed. So I'm changing him, which was hilarious in itself--he kept pointing out his sock marks on his feet--and then I put him up on the changing table. He announces to me "Mommy has a baby in her tummy" I'm like, "Yes, very good Luke! She does have a baby in her tummy!" So he pulls my shirt up and says "Aunt Mary has a baby in her tummy?" Now, normally and male that says this would be in serious trouble, but I just busted out laughing and am like "No no no...nonononono...no baby in Aunt Mary's tummy".
So we eat our play dinner, brush his teeth (he asked what a the smoke detector was, so I told him it told us when the house is too hot...he pointed out another one later and said "tells us house is too hot!") and then throw in there "play with trains then read then bed". Very sneaky, nice try. We'll say goodnight to the trains...which we do, and then read 3 books and then go to bed. He is my little gumdrop, and as he told me, Luke makes Aunt Mary very happy!
Ahhhh...can't wait to hear what he comes up with this weekend in South Carolina...
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Holy Freaking 2008...longest blog ever, I apologize
Where did 2007 go? No...seriously. A year ago I was in school dealing with the Coca-Cola campaign, the hell of retail activation and promotions, I was beginning an internship, I had a boyfriend, I had a little white pathfinder, I had friends I saw every day and I, me, timid shy Mary who hates public speaking was put on the presentation team for the Coke competition.
NORMALLY New Year's involves Penn State bowl games and Penn State reunions with my ladies...but nobody could make it this year!! So...I decided to head to Destin and see Lindsay. And well, this girl Corrie who I met at the Auburn/Alamaba game and I had been discussing hotels via e-mails for the Atlanta plans-so of course she was included, cause we bonded instantly when we met--and well, our e-mails are funny. She has to be fun right? And of course, the crowd would follow-Jason, Patrick, Hunter, and sadly James missed OUT! Let me just tell you about the weekend...
Now, I have a diploma (WOO HOO), a real job at an ad agency, a new apartment, friends I get together with for drinks occasionally after WORK, a new car, a constant headache, a new nephew on the way, another engaged friend and a partridge in a pear tree...oh right, and now single...duh.
NORMALLY New Year's involves Penn State bowl games and Penn State reunions with my ladies...but nobody could make it this year!! So...I decided to head to Destin and see Lindsay. And well, this girl Corrie who I met at the Auburn/Alamaba game and I had been discussing hotels via e-mails for the Atlanta plans-so of course she was included, cause we bonded instantly when we met--and well, our e-mails are funny. She has to be fun right? And of course, the crowd would follow-Jason, Patrick, Hunter, and sadly James missed OUT! Let me just tell you about the weekend...
FRIDAY: Got picked up from the airport by my lover, Lindsay. She dropped me off, and went home. I watched bad TV and listened to the ocean in bed. Okay, so that was boring.
SATURDAY: Corrie got in town and we headed to dinner with Lindsays parents and her adorable little Brayden. Then we headed to Johnny O'Quigleys so I could watch the Penn State game. We had to SCAN the bar to find the 3 tvs in the corner without Tom Brady on them (normally a very good thing in my opinion, but I was on a mission). Well PENN STATE WON!! PATRIOTS WON!! CHUCK LIDDELL WON (like I cared about the fight, Lindsay did though...particularly the Liddell part). Then we headed to Blue Point...where Lindsay proceeded to get free drinks from a guy she'd met at the bar before. Now, usually Lindsay or I can score drinks off an attractive older guy...but Chris, Chris was special. By special I mean 53, balding, short, heavy, missing teeth and one of those really cool sweaters that blind grandmothers knit with various colors, textures, stripes and polka dots. Oh and I met a random guy from Memphis who only lives there on Wednesdays now. Really? We ended up leaving relatively early (compared to what was in store) and headed back to the condo. Where Sissy and Eric were waiting (our friend Steven's cousin and who I THOUGHT was his fiancee, psh) So we all crack another beer and realize that Sissy is beyond gone. Girlie starts running around in just her shirt and panties. Tries to take my pants off cause everybody should be in their underwear. Wow. Steven takes them home (she left a few things behind in her drunken state) so Lindsay, Corrie and I have girl talk over pizza rolls and doritos (I KNEW they'd come in handy). I mean like an hour of bonding time. Then we head off to bed.
Memories from Saturday:
"Hey Corrie, did you know this is Joe Paterno's fifth-hundredth game to coach?"-Yours truly
"Hey Corrie, did you know this is Joe Paterno's fifth-hundredth game to coach?"-Yours truly
"How is it that the only guy trying to communicate with us at the table was deaf?"
"I think I'll just name him Liddell!"
"I think I'll just name him Liddell!"
"WE ARE...PENN STATE"-that's right Corrie, you got it!
"Bye Bolton!"
"That's such a hot sweater. Can I have another shot?"
Panties in question.
I don't recall the exact comment, but Lindsay was compared to a flamingo by sweater guy.
"Did you say Kurt or Kirk?" "T, with a T" "So Kurt, with a C or a K?"
Sunday morning also reminded us a Saturday night memory when Lindsay runs in my bathroom. "Mary, Mary. What did I do?" "Um, that could be left open to interpretation" "No, look" and closes her eye to reveal a giant bruise over her eyelid below her eyebrow arch. I died laughing. She and Corrie kept dropping doritos or pizza rolls and I kept picking them up, but one time they both went for it and headbutted each other. Apparently Corrie won and beat up Lindsay...giving her a lovely black eye, which turned purple just in time to match her new years dress!
SUNDAY: Lindsay goes home. So I'm left with Corrie, which is fine, we get along. But we have the whole night and part of the next day together. Not gonna lie, I was a little nervous. We go shop for accessories. Grab Starbucks and copy a picture at Wal-Mart. Dinner at my FAVORITE place, Harbor Docks. Wine and the exact same food. So we made the small talk about school and work and such--which I laughed about because it probably sounded like a first date to people around us. We tell the waitress happy new year, she replies "as long as Clemson wins" ohhh no m'am, we are for Auburn. So I write across the top of her check "WAR EAGLE"...hee hee, I found myself pretty clever.
We then head to Baytowne to Rum Runners. Okay, first of all, the old lady next to us at the tall bar with stools overlooking the main floor FELL off her stool 3 times and Corrie and I had to help her up. Finally, the table of 2 guys in front of us invite us to sit with them. Ahhhh...Steven and Barry. Barry the attorney. Barry the attorney who remembered me cause we rhymed but told Corrie he'd just call her Corona. Which he then spilled all over her face when he was trying to let us use his Corona as a microphone to "Pour Some Sugar On Me"-how appropriate? We decided I need to learn southern songs that they didn't play at PSU(Dixieland Delight was not a recurring song at my frat parties) and then I knew every word to "Crazy Game of Poker" which nobody else had heard apparently. Fight song wars-our Barry threw out over $200 for the Ole Miss song just from the time we sat with him. "Hotty Toddy"...Corrie has been sent the words since then. She has also sent me some of the Auburn chant words (Weagle Weagle War Damn Eagle!)
We stand outside later, Barry and Steven leave us. We try to stalk them. I was being stalked by a random who KEPT asking me to dance. The bouncer kept laughing, saying it takes courage for him to approach beautiful girls. I looked at the cop next to him and said "Oh come on, he's like, 14, I'd get arrested just dancing with him". So we head to the front/famous/village door. BOOTY MUSIC. Shots of Goldschlager. Our boys weren't there, but good music was. Corrie and I bonded in that very moment. It was clear to us that we were soulmates. Just a lil bit...BFF. So later, after seeing the Tom Brady look-alike (oh goodness...........whew,I'm okay) they start playing crappy music so people will leave. Oh, that did not stop us. "You might as well be walkin on the sun" was an AWESOME song to dance to. Then a random asks me to dance to the next song. "Eh, only if it's a good song" Rrrrright...it was "Don't Worry Be Happy".
After shutting down that bar...we walk past a pizza place ready for home. "Roll Tide" we hear. "No no, War Damn Eagle!"...we end up sitting down with the two guys. One, we discover, is my friend Jasons younger twin (yes, I know that's not possible, but really). So we decide to hang out on the beach with them. Corrie turns into a flamingo and can't stand up on one leg to roll up her jeans. But who cares, we had beach boyfriends?! Haha. She even got a token of appreciation in the form of an ivy branch complete with roots. Who does that?
Memories from Sunday:
"I think they thought we were on a date!"
"Corrie, every time I say this it backfires. But we'll just plan on a relatively low-key, early night so we can be productive tomorrow"
"My friend is a little feminine. He might even pop his pinkie while drinking his beer if he gets drunk"
"I feel some Gin and Juice coming on" -"I want Ludacris!" - "We need to dance, they need to play something like 'Shout' "...after each one of these, the song we wanted came on!
"No New Years Game On"-phahaha, texting without tone of voice backfired there!
"Corrie, I just ballroom danced to 'Don't Worry Be Happy'"
The pinata shirt said "I'd hit that" and the guy wearing it, was a male dancer. I can't make this stuff up people
"I'm Irilish"
"Yeah, I remember you saying Indiana was in their first bowl game since 94."-"Yeah, do you remember my name though?"-"Ummm, Amanda?"
Ohhhh the ivy...time to upgrade to a blossom or bloom!!
"Who turned the sun on?!"
MONDAY: So Corrie and I were up WAY too late. Tired. We watch the parents struggle with 8 kids on tv and recap our prior evening. Too funny. We bond more and realize we both heart the golf channel and the Masters. BFF. I begin cooking dinner for the big Auburn bowl game that night. Jason and Patrick and Hunter were coming over too. So we all start eating, watching the game and, well of course, drinking...duh?
At some point the previous day Corrie decided we should all watch the seagulls fly over the beach instead of the eagle at the Auburn game. "War Damn Seagull"...okay, apparently we were the only ones who thought it was funny. So we all get ready for New Year's Eve...Lindsay and Hunter learn the choreography to "Soulja Boy"...I get enough of a buzz to put on my scandalous dress. Auburn wins in OT--GO TIGERS! We have a photo shoot before we leave of course, where Corrie captured what might be the funniest picture I have ever seen. Jason and I taking a prom style picture as Lindsay randomly appears in the background dancing...I think it was to Soulja Boy, but it really looks like she's doing the Thriller...see for yourself!
So we get to AJ's around 11:15. Everybody is feeling pretty good, nice little buzz, even keel. We all get drinks-which apparently were magical because 15 minutes later we were up on the dancefloor and all over the place! A random white, nasty scarf was flying through the air so Jason wore it the rest of the night. I met a boy who I later found out was from Pennsylvania and went to Penn State (better believe I yelled out WE ARE and had everybody around me reply with "PENN STATE")
Around midnight, Hunter finds champagne (we still aren't sure where) which he proclaims "tastes like cat piss". Around 1:15 Lindsay looks like she is down for the count. She is sitting in a chair, resting against the wall, wanting to take my keys and pass out in the car. So we all get ready to close our tabs out when I turn to find Lindsay. "It's Britney Bitch" and she's back up on stage!!! So of course we decide we'll stay--I mean, I had to hear Walk It Out so I could do my routine on stage! Some girl tells Lindsay "Hey, my friend thinks you are really cute!" so she's like "Ohhh, where is he?" The girl points "SHE is right there"...hahaha, oh good times!
So as we're planning on leaving...after we all serenade each other to random songs that were playing...I step off the stage, Corrie takes my hand and then BAM...ass-plants on the stage. I am laughing as I write this because the visual was hilarious. She just kind of sits there and says "Here, sit with me, it'll just look like we're talking" so I sat down and pretty much just laughed with her. Ridiculous I tell you. We head back to the condo, Corrie is determined to try another walk on the beach...after Jason has kept us between the mayonnaise and the mayonnaise! Jason and John always make fun of my wearing shoes on the beach at night (I HATE those stupid ass little sand crabs) so I have my shoes on of course! Yeah...apparently everybodys feet turned into ice cubes 10 minutes after being out there, so we headed back inside. Shoes aren't so funny now are they? So off to bed...happy I wasn't on the other side of the condo where apparently Patrick got a little sick and could be heard in both bedrooms. I can just picture Hunter saying "Ew, what IS that sound?" Oh poor Corrie and Lindsay. We all pretty much just lounged around the next day, watching football and of course, recapping our evening through pictures on the three cameras being passed around...Lindsay's Thriller was a crowd favorite!
2007-2008 transition memories:
"War Damn Seagull!"
"Superman that ho!"
"Try this, it tastes like cat piss"...mmm, tempting
"I'm so tired, can we go?"..."It's Britney bitch...-nevermind!"
"Walk it out!" "Back that ass up!" "Baby got back!"--I'm shakin my ass here!
Lindsay's new girlfriend
"You ain't never seen me THIS drunk!"
Goldschlager for me and my soul mate!
"Just sit down, they'll think we're talking!"
Plethora of condiments...late night walk on the beach...Hunter dancing against the window
Poor reindeer
Lindsay karate chopping a beer
"I'm giving myself a head massage"
So now I'm back...took me a week to finally finish the blog...and I miss the crap out of my friends...but there you have it, my amazing weekend of sending 2007 our and bringing in 2008! The first was a good day...but recent events have not convinced me 2008 will be as amazing as I originally thought! Hope you enjoyed your novel that I just wrote...but I HAD to fit it all in, and I'm sure I still missed a lot!
More to come later...this weekend was a doozie as well for many reasons. Oh, and I will be cheering for Ohio State tonight..shhhh.
Friday, December 21, 2007
It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year...
Current song: "All I Want for Christmas is You"
Countdown: 30 minutes till the weekend, 4 days till Christmas
Dance moves: being busted out in my office...yes, I'm doing my happy dance
So the past week has been very stressful in the life of Mary. I'm stressed with friend issues, boy issues (as always) and work has just been crazy. Deadlines had to be met and projects wrapped up today. But I found out officially that I don't have to be at work until January 2 after I walk out of these doors today. That's right...
I'M DONE WORKING UNTIL 2008!
On top of that, I'm super excited for Christmas. I can't wait to see little Pooker open presents and get excited about Christmas lights and such. And spending time with my family since I feel like I never see them during the daytime (stupid real world). Um, and yeah, there's the Christmas dinner as well-and leftovers since I didn't get any after Thanksgiving!!
Also, a week from today, I'll be in Destin! I was supposed to be headed to the ATL for New Years and the Auburn bowl game, but it fell through...which was tragic and upset me...but my friends redeemed themselves and are going to party with me in Destin...so if you're there, look out!!
I also have to say that last night, I was stressed out, in a foul mood, etc. But my parents took me to the Trans Siberian Orchestra concert because my dad remembered that I heart them. Okay, I've been to some pretty good shows. But THIS show was so dynamic and had something for everybody-rock, heavy metalish guitar solos, amazing vocals, blues, carols, hymns-and a freaking awesome light show that was like fireworks without the loud sounds and well, fire. Seriously, if you EVER have the opportunity to see them in concert, DO IT. I also think it would be a good date...but that's because I'm apparently in that holiday phase where I think everything is cute and romantic (unless I'm in traffic, then I might just want to punch you in the face).
Anyways, it was wonderful and cheered me up! And I finished all of my projects today, got a few little gold stars from clients and bosses. I even made my world famous brownies and put my office in a great mood (no, they weren't "those" kind of brownies, but they are a triple chocolate threat!). AND yesterday, I got to deliver two bikes to my favorite radio station here in Memphis who was doing a fundraiser for Toys for Tots--I took up donations in my office so it was great to see the results, a little pink bike (which I had a great time posing with) and a little blue bike--so it's great to know that two more children will be all smiles on Christmas day. Warm and fuzzy feelings-yay!
So I hope that everybody is safe in their travels and over the holidays!! All of my best wishes and love to all of you!! I'm sure I'll be blogging again soon...just wanted to with y'all a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year if you are too busy to check in!!
"Come and trim my chirstmas tree,
With some decorations bought at Tiffany's (WOO HOO)
I really do believe in you,
Let's see if you believe in me
Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring,
I don't mean on the phone, (or as Luke sings-I DON'T NEED A PHONE!)
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight"
Countdown: 30 minutes till the weekend, 4 days till Christmas
Dance moves: being busted out in my office...yes, I'm doing my happy dance
So the past week has been very stressful in the life of Mary. I'm stressed with friend issues, boy issues (as always) and work has just been crazy. Deadlines had to be met and projects wrapped up today. But I found out officially that I don't have to be at work until January 2 after I walk out of these doors today. That's right...
I'M DONE WORKING UNTIL 2008!
On top of that, I'm super excited for Christmas. I can't wait to see little Pooker open presents and get excited about Christmas lights and such. And spending time with my family since I feel like I never see them during the daytime (stupid real world). Um, and yeah, there's the Christmas dinner as well-and leftovers since I didn't get any after Thanksgiving!!
Also, a week from today, I'll be in Destin! I was supposed to be headed to the ATL for New Years and the Auburn bowl game, but it fell through...which was tragic and upset me...but my friends redeemed themselves and are going to party with me in Destin...so if you're there, look out!!
I also have to say that last night, I was stressed out, in a foul mood, etc. But my parents took me to the Trans Siberian Orchestra concert because my dad remembered that I heart them. Okay, I've been to some pretty good shows. But THIS show was so dynamic and had something for everybody-rock, heavy metalish guitar solos, amazing vocals, blues, carols, hymns-and a freaking awesome light show that was like fireworks without the loud sounds and well, fire. Seriously, if you EVER have the opportunity to see them in concert, DO IT. I also think it would be a good date...but that's because I'm apparently in that holiday phase where I think everything is cute and romantic (unless I'm in traffic, then I might just want to punch you in the face).
Anyways, it was wonderful and cheered me up! And I finished all of my projects today, got a few little gold stars from clients and bosses. I even made my world famous brownies and put my office in a great mood (no, they weren't "those" kind of brownies, but they are a triple chocolate threat!). AND yesterday, I got to deliver two bikes to my favorite radio station here in Memphis who was doing a fundraiser for Toys for Tots--I took up donations in my office so it was great to see the results, a little pink bike (which I had a great time posing with) and a little blue bike--so it's great to know that two more children will be all smiles on Christmas day. Warm and fuzzy feelings-yay!
So I hope that everybody is safe in their travels and over the holidays!! All of my best wishes and love to all of you!! I'm sure I'll be blogging again soon...just wanted to with y'all a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year if you are too busy to check in!!
"Come and trim my chirstmas tree,
With some decorations bought at Tiffany's (WOO HOO)
I really do believe in you,
Let's see if you believe in me
Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring,
I don't mean on the phone, (or as Luke sings-I DON'T NEED A PHONE!)
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight"
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
I have no words...
I am sorry, but this is by far one of the funniest things I have ever seen. I was in tears yesterday because I was laughing so hard. As some of you may know, I was known as "The Goat" by my neighbors when I was younger. The house I grew up in backed up to a farm, and I was fascinated by the goats. So I learned how to imitate one (sound and a facial/mouth thing...don't ask) so the neighbors thought it was hilarious. He even brought me a basket full of toy goats and the book "Three Billy Goats Gruff" for my graduation in May...
So imagine how hard I was laughing when I saw this video...very hard. I almost fell over myself. As my sister said, it's kind of sad, but it's just so funny you can't help but laugh. And even better, she said "What if that happened to us when we got excited or scared?" That mental image alone of my sister falling over every time somebody mentions snow kills me...
So here it is...enjoy...it's getting me through my day (I'm really really annoyed right now)
So imagine how hard I was laughing when I saw this video...very hard. I almost fell over myself. As my sister said, it's kind of sad, but it's just so funny you can't help but laugh. And even better, she said "What if that happened to us when we got excited or scared?" That mental image alone of my sister falling over every time somebody mentions snow kills me...
So here it is...enjoy...it's getting me through my day (I'm really really annoyed right now)
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
I need a glass, er, bottle of wine...
So to begin my day with, I had to go to downtown to the Cook Convention Center for jury duty. For my friends who don't live here...this is not a good area of town. Parking is limited and well, let's face it, the very diverse population that is Memphis isn't always a positive environment (just saying, since we are on that top 10 most dangerous/crime filled cities).
So it starts at 9. I get downdown at 830 and am STUCK in traffic. As in can't move. So I sit there (wearing a turtleneck sweater and boots--no breast or ankle comments for me today thank you!) in my car, and I mean, the sketchiest of the sketchy people are walking on the sidewalk. Okay, I drive a pretty nice car now. So when these people start crossing the street, looking in my car, bend down on the sidewalk to look in, I get a little squeamish. I'm like, what is going on?! It's like, they dredged up the projects. Are all of these people going to jury duty? I can't even explain how bizarre the scene was. Then I realized that they were all crossing the street to 201 Poplar...which is our court/police department building. Hahaha, figures...these people are probably ones that I will be a juror for in February.
Jury duty wasn't too bad today, they just sat us down, explained how it was our civic duty, and called out weeks for us to serve. I got some good quality people watching done.
So THEN I was going to lunch today from my work. I usually go to Schnuk's for the salad bar. So my building is on an arterial road in Memphis known as Poplar (yes, where 201 is...but much further away).
So the light from Poplar in front of my building is basically a four-way stop sign. EXCEPT for the people coming from Poplar. It makes sense, because if it backs up, major traffic jam on Poplar which is no fun at all! So I'm at a stop sign waiting to turn left to get to the light. So the cars coming from Poplar are crossing in front of me. Well OBVIOUSLY I can't go anywhere with cars coming.
Tell that to the freaking moron behind me!
Cars that come from Poplar sometimes don't know that they're not supposed to stop, so they pause, then the light bulb goes off, and they tear across the intersection. So I never go even if they pause, cause it's only a matter of time before they slam on the gas and into me.
So I sit at my stop sign. The lady behind me honks her horn. I raise my hands as if to say "Nothin I can do!" Then a car pauses, then goes. The woman behind me then lays on her horn a bit longer. Seriously? Then a bunch of cars start going through...so she LAYS on her horn, like, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH (I don't know how to type a horn sound?!) So I whip my head around and try to do the sign "They don't have a stop sign!" Yeah, cause she understood that? It's like when somebody lets you in and you wave and say "Thank you"...they can't hear you, they are in another car!
So then the light ends, but people are still turning right into the building entrance, doing the pause then go thing. So she now stutters the horn in between long honks. I mean, this went on for over a minute. I'm getting SO annoyed at this point. I already had to spend the morning with a bunch of incompetant people, do I really need to be harassed by one right now? Then I see her get out of her car.
She approaches me and I GLADLY roll down my window. Now mind you, I've had people try to confront me before about stupid stuff and I'm always very polite. "Well, I'm sorry m'am, but they don't have a stop sign there"
No no no, not this time. I was highly irritated. And hungry. And tired. Not a good combo woman.
So she walks up, yelling profanities and pointing her finger. When she leans down and gets her finger in my face, I lost that last thread of sanity. I think I turned red and steam came from my ears.
"M'am, your horn is not going to make a stop sign appear in their direction, meaning there is NOT one there right now. So get your hand out of my face, calm the f#&! down, and get back in your car" and roll up the window. She knocked on my window again--and I'm pretty sure she called me a few choice words before she walked away, but whatever, I was right.
Then I had my chance to turn, so I did. But do you have any idea how much I wanted to just sit there to piss her off anymore?
Anyways...thought y'all would appreciate my day as a true Memphian...hanging out by 201 and getting into a traffic altercation...AWESOME.
So it starts at 9. I get downdown at 830 and am STUCK in traffic. As in can't move. So I sit there (wearing a turtleneck sweater and boots--no breast or ankle comments for me today thank you!) in my car, and I mean, the sketchiest of the sketchy people are walking on the sidewalk. Okay, I drive a pretty nice car now. So when these people start crossing the street, looking in my car, bend down on the sidewalk to look in, I get a little squeamish. I'm like, what is going on?! It's like, they dredged up the projects. Are all of these people going to jury duty? I can't even explain how bizarre the scene was. Then I realized that they were all crossing the street to 201 Poplar...which is our court/police department building. Hahaha, figures...these people are probably ones that I will be a juror for in February.
Jury duty wasn't too bad today, they just sat us down, explained how it was our civic duty, and called out weeks for us to serve. I got some good quality people watching done.
So THEN I was going to lunch today from my work. I usually go to Schnuk's for the salad bar. So my building is on an arterial road in Memphis known as Poplar (yes, where 201 is...but much further away).
So the light from Poplar in front of my building is basically a four-way stop sign. EXCEPT for the people coming from Poplar. It makes sense, because if it backs up, major traffic jam on Poplar which is no fun at all! So I'm at a stop sign waiting to turn left to get to the light. So the cars coming from Poplar are crossing in front of me. Well OBVIOUSLY I can't go anywhere with cars coming.
Tell that to the freaking moron behind me!
Cars that come from Poplar sometimes don't know that they're not supposed to stop, so they pause, then the light bulb goes off, and they tear across the intersection. So I never go even if they pause, cause it's only a matter of time before they slam on the gas and into me.
So I sit at my stop sign. The lady behind me honks her horn. I raise my hands as if to say "Nothin I can do!" Then a car pauses, then goes. The woman behind me then lays on her horn a bit longer. Seriously? Then a bunch of cars start going through...so she LAYS on her horn, like, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH (I don't know how to type a horn sound?!) So I whip my head around and try to do the sign "They don't have a stop sign!" Yeah, cause she understood that? It's like when somebody lets you in and you wave and say "Thank you"...they can't hear you, they are in another car!
So then the light ends, but people are still turning right into the building entrance, doing the pause then go thing. So she now stutters the horn in between long honks. I mean, this went on for over a minute. I'm getting SO annoyed at this point. I already had to spend the morning with a bunch of incompetant people, do I really need to be harassed by one right now? Then I see her get out of her car.
She approaches me and I GLADLY roll down my window. Now mind you, I've had people try to confront me before about stupid stuff and I'm always very polite. "Well, I'm sorry m'am, but they don't have a stop sign there"
No no no, not this time. I was highly irritated. And hungry. And tired. Not a good combo woman.
So she walks up, yelling profanities and pointing her finger. When she leans down and gets her finger in my face, I lost that last thread of sanity. I think I turned red and steam came from my ears.
"M'am, your horn is not going to make a stop sign appear in their direction, meaning there is NOT one there right now. So get your hand out of my face, calm the f#&! down, and get back in your car" and roll up the window. She knocked on my window again--and I'm pretty sure she called me a few choice words before she walked away, but whatever, I was right.
Then I had my chance to turn, so I did. But do you have any idea how much I wanted to just sit there to piss her off anymore?
Anyways...thought y'all would appreciate my day as a true Memphian...hanging out by 201 and getting into a traffic altercation...AWESOME.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Jump for My Love!
So...I know my posts are usually pretty funny (okay, at least I think so...y'all probably just roll your eyes) but I am just so so annoyed right now, this is going to basically be a vent. That's right, this is a disclaimer. If you don't like drama...well, then what are you doing on my page to begin with? I'm telling you, my life should be a reality show.
So my post is about friends. Not my true friends, like my sister or my Jennis who I have known for years and STILL manage to make time for me. I'm talking the fair-weather friends-- They only stick around when it's convenient for them.
It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't know that when they tell me they are too busy to hang out, they actually went out elsewhere with other people. As Jen and I vented to each other the other day, it's even worse when these people have boyfriends. And talk to them every day. And probably sleep with them every night. So really, you haven't seen your "best friend" in 3 weeks, but you have to see the guy you see every day and night for dinner...way to prioritize.
My theory on this? If he's the guy for you, you will have the rest of your lives to spend with each other. What if I'm not living near you a year from now? What if I am but I've gotten so fed up with being put on the backburner, that I'm not around when you need a girls night? I'm not one to give up on friendships, but I do have to be a little selfish and think of myself sometimes...and when I'm upset enough to write a blog about this...it's not good for my health!
So don't give me lame excuses. If you're SOOO busy, that's fine, I get it. I've been there. But if you're just WAY too busy until 7pm when you then go out with your boyfriend for dinner and drinks...nope, sorry. Lost my sympathy right there.
And ANOTHER thing, and I really hate this one. Do not expect me to feel bad for you when I get a message on facebook or IM or a missed call with you saying "Are you alive? I feel like I haven't seen you in forever!" Do NOT put that guilt trip on me. I am one of those people who anytime I go out, I'll invite everybody. I try to have get togethers. I have most likely sent you several e-mails or texts inviting you out. Do I EVER hear back from you? So yes, I'm alive. Have you gone blind recently or just lost all capability of communication?
I know I'm guilty of the not-returned call. But please people, do you drive anywhere during the day? So you can't pick up the phone "Hey, I'm on my way to x event and can't talk long, but just wanted to say thanks for the invite and we should hang out soon".
I feel like my girlfriends are getting as complicated as men--I should NOT have to feel rejected by them too! So let's call this a healthy therapy session where I have gotten pissed off enough to vent...
Now for something happy that always manages to get me in the Christmas spirit...or just a happy mood...
So my post is about friends. Not my true friends, like my sister or my Jennis who I have known for years and STILL manage to make time for me. I'm talking the fair-weather friends-- They only stick around when it's convenient for them.
It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't know that when they tell me they are too busy to hang out, they actually went out elsewhere with other people. As Jen and I vented to each other the other day, it's even worse when these people have boyfriends. And talk to them every day. And probably sleep with them every night. So really, you haven't seen your "best friend" in 3 weeks, but you have to see the guy you see every day and night for dinner...way to prioritize.
My theory on this? If he's the guy for you, you will have the rest of your lives to spend with each other. What if I'm not living near you a year from now? What if I am but I've gotten so fed up with being put on the backburner, that I'm not around when you need a girls night? I'm not one to give up on friendships, but I do have to be a little selfish and think of myself sometimes...and when I'm upset enough to write a blog about this...it's not good for my health!
So don't give me lame excuses. If you're SOOO busy, that's fine, I get it. I've been there. But if you're just WAY too busy until 7pm when you then go out with your boyfriend for dinner and drinks...nope, sorry. Lost my sympathy right there.
And ANOTHER thing, and I really hate this one. Do not expect me to feel bad for you when I get a message on facebook or IM or a missed call with you saying "Are you alive? I feel like I haven't seen you in forever!" Do NOT put that guilt trip on me. I am one of those people who anytime I go out, I'll invite everybody. I try to have get togethers. I have most likely sent you several e-mails or texts inviting you out. Do I EVER hear back from you? So yes, I'm alive. Have you gone blind recently or just lost all capability of communication?
I know I'm guilty of the not-returned call. But please people, do you drive anywhere during the day? So you can't pick up the phone "Hey, I'm on my way to x event and can't talk long, but just wanted to say thanks for the invite and we should hang out soon".
I feel like my girlfriends are getting as complicated as men--I should NOT have to feel rejected by them too! So let's call this a healthy therapy session where I have gotten pissed off enough to vent...
Now for something happy that always manages to get me in the Christmas spirit...or just a happy mood...
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Gr8, hau weered kan peepel b? Reed on 2 fynd owt
So as many of you know, I am in the world of MySpace and Facebook. I will get some very odd/crude/random/lame messages from time to time...
Here is a clip of a random one:
"...I only look at people for who they are, not how good their body looks. i read some of you blog and no matter what anyone ever tells you, YOU, Mary, have a sharp mind and a wonderfully funny and sweet character. I honestly would like to talk to you, and if you feel comfortable, hang out with you sometime (all spending is on me). You want some drinks, I'll buy them, a movie, tickets are bought, hey a new dress, it's your's. I don't buy affection, I just greatly dislike being cheap, and if a girl is a real woman, she deserves to be treated like one. Whatever you decide is your choice. You are a lovely and smart woman and I know you'll use your mind to make the best decision."
-Okay, I feel really bad posting this on my blog knowing he reads it. However, I don't know him. He is 5 years younger than me (I'm 24, he can't legally buy me drinks, right?) and well, I really just don't respond to that kind of message via facebook/myspace. Sorry buddy, you do get an A for effort though...at least this message just made it into the random category...there are far worse!
Then I got these on MySpace:
"hey baby your hott..i think we could have sum fun!! "-short, to the point...I'm sure like the evening would be (ba-dum ching! count it...)
"To say you are beautiful is to state the obvious, to say you are breath-taking is an understatement but to say I would love to be your friend is to be sincere. Hope we get to chat soon. Stay Charming... "-the title of this message was "Princess"...seriously? I just threw up in my mouth...
"Did you just grab my ass?"-ummm, over the computer? I don't think so...and I just looked at your picture, so I know I wouldn't even virtually attempt to grab that...
"You have great breasts...I mean eyes"-what a great opener...a good one to tell the grandkids the story of how Nana and Paw Paw met...jackass. You have a little...no, very little...tact
"I'm going to be in Memphis the week of March 14 and was wanting somebody to show me around and maybe keep me company. I'd be willing to take you for a nice dinner. Let me know if this sounds like something that you would be interested in"-I'm sorry, does it say on my profile under companies "Whores R Us" or "Prostitute Parlor"? Didn't think so...move along
But yesterday, oh yesterday...I got the greatest one ever. For those of you who know a little about me, you know I HATE it when people can't spell. Even those abbreviations annoy me when used in bulk (u should call l8er 2nite...sweetheart, if I have to take the time to translate it, it's not gonna work out) So imagine my disgust, my horror, and how freaking hard I laughed when I got this message from an 18 year old titled "If only I was older":
"if only i was olderyoued see that i was the one
ifonly i was older i chould hold you at night
if only i was older id make you smile when you cried
if only i was older we chold walk togather
if only iwas older i chould love a butiey like you
if only i was older youed cal me daddy
if only i was older we whould talk for hours
if only i was older youed feel safe in my embrace
if only i was older we whould wach movies all night
if only i was older youed messsage me back"
I mean, how do I respond to that? It's okay you little 18 year old, maybe when you're 21 you'll be older, and MAYBE have learned grammar and spelling by then. In his profile, there are beautiful examples of why children need "Hooked on Phonics" such as "famaly", "deling", "locing", "componey"...aish.
Oh, and I won't be calling you daddy-ever-even if you were 50. Kthanksbye.
I'm in advertising people, and even I can't make this stuff up...
Happy Hump Day!
Here is a clip of a random one:
"...I only look at people for who they are, not how good their body looks. i read some of you blog and no matter what anyone ever tells you, YOU, Mary, have a sharp mind and a wonderfully funny and sweet character. I honestly would like to talk to you, and if you feel comfortable, hang out with you sometime (all spending is on me). You want some drinks, I'll buy them, a movie, tickets are bought, hey a new dress, it's your's. I don't buy affection, I just greatly dislike being cheap, and if a girl is a real woman, she deserves to be treated like one. Whatever you decide is your choice. You are a lovely and smart woman and I know you'll use your mind to make the best decision."
-Okay, I feel really bad posting this on my blog knowing he reads it. However, I don't know him. He is 5 years younger than me (I'm 24, he can't legally buy me drinks, right?) and well, I really just don't respond to that kind of message via facebook/myspace. Sorry buddy, you do get an A for effort though...at least this message just made it into the random category...there are far worse!
Then I got these on MySpace:
"hey baby your hott..i think we could have sum fun!! "-short, to the point...I'm sure like the evening would be (ba-dum ching! count it...)
"To say you are beautiful is to state the obvious, to say you are breath-taking is an understatement but to say I would love to be your friend is to be sincere. Hope we get to chat soon. Stay Charming... "-the title of this message was "Princess"...seriously? I just threw up in my mouth...
"Did you just grab my ass?"-ummm, over the computer? I don't think so...and I just looked at your picture, so I know I wouldn't even virtually attempt to grab that...
"You have great breasts...I mean eyes"-what a great opener...a good one to tell the grandkids the story of how Nana and Paw Paw met...jackass. You have a little...no, very little...tact
"I'm going to be in Memphis the week of March 14 and was wanting somebody to show me around and maybe keep me company. I'd be willing to take you for a nice dinner. Let me know if this sounds like something that you would be interested in"-I'm sorry, does it say on my profile under companies "Whores R Us" or "Prostitute Parlor"? Didn't think so...move along
But yesterday, oh yesterday...I got the greatest one ever. For those of you who know a little about me, you know I HATE it when people can't spell. Even those abbreviations annoy me when used in bulk (u should call l8er 2nite...sweetheart, if I have to take the time to translate it, it's not gonna work out) So imagine my disgust, my horror, and how freaking hard I laughed when I got this message from an 18 year old titled "If only I was older":
"if only i was olderyoued see that i was the one
ifonly i was older i chould hold you at night
if only i was older id make you smile when you cried
if only i was older we chold walk togather
if only iwas older i chould love a butiey like you
if only i was older youed cal me daddy
if only i was older we whould talk for hours
if only i was older youed feel safe in my embrace
if only i was older we whould wach movies all night
if only i was older youed messsage me back"
I mean, how do I respond to that? It's okay you little 18 year old, maybe when you're 21 you'll be older, and MAYBE have learned grammar and spelling by then. In his profile, there are beautiful examples of why children need "Hooked on Phonics" such as "famaly", "deling", "locing", "componey"...aish.
Oh, and I won't be calling you daddy-ever-even if you were 50. Kthanksbye.
I'm in advertising people, and even I can't make this stuff up...
Happy Hump Day!
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