Christmas is soon Aunt Mary!!

So as many of you may have noticed from various profiles (myspace, facebook...ok, well 2 profiles) I am READY for the Christmas season!

Since I was going to be out of town for the days after Thanksgiving, which is usually the preferable time for my family and I to begin decorating, I decided to spiff up my apartment with the Christmas spirit a little early!!

Much to my dismay, although this might change, I did not buy a real tree for my apartment! Ya know, I live alone and I'll be spending Christmas at my parents anyways-and they WILL have a real tree! So sac-relig on my part though since I believe fake trees are only supplemental to real ones. Oh well, we'll see...I'll probably see a cute little one and have to have it!

Anyways--I decorated my tree and then my mom bought me TONS of beautiful ornaments that she got in Chicago--SO more red and green glitz and glitter! I also have beautiful red letters that spell out "Believe" that I set across my tv. I have nutcrackers going up the stairs. I have a wreath out on my door. I have a few snowglobes--with plenty more to come (I collect them and still have a lot at home!). And let's not forget the little Hallmark snowmen that have little dogs and penguins that sing and dance!

How perfect is it that I have so much red in my apartment already, it coordinates so well!

On another note...I'm even more in the Christmas spirit in getting ready for tonight...

As many of you know, I have an obsession with Shrek...well, the movies. Donkey is my absolute favorite. I quote him often, and sometimes just talk like him. WELL--tonight SHREK THE HALLS IS ON! I am super stoked about this event and have been playing Christmas music at the office today. I mean, I thought it was amazing when I bought Shrek the 3rd (already watched it twice) but a Christmas special?!

That's really all for now...I just had to express my excitement! I'll be putting up a blog about my weekend to Auburn when I get my pictures scanned (this no camera thing sucks-but they pictures are SO cute!). Hope everybody is doing well and getting in the Christmas spirit...I watched little Pooker last night and he informed me that Christmas is coming soon!! He also talked to Miss Lindsay on the phone and said War Eagle (which he kept saying after that-sorry Lindley and Chad!).

"Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas..." (that's for you biffer)

2 Months...

2 months...THAT'S how long I had to go without phone and internet service...thank you Comcast. I'm writing in Red cause it's PASSIONATE-ENRAGED-FIRE-FURY-and it's preeeettttttyyyy!

As you read previously, my cable lady was weird. Well, then she just pissed me off. I kept calling her about my phone. Normally, it wouldn't be such a big deal since I have my cell. However, we have a gate that my friends can call from and I can beep them in. Without a phone though, I have to go out and let them in-which is a pain if it's raining or if they show up at different times. Currently, the gate phone dials my parents house-which makes me laugh, especially when Becky didn't know that and said something like "Hey hot stuff"-thoroughly confusing my mom. Good times.

So cable lady kinda strung me along. Every time I called she's like "Ohhh Mary! I've been talking to your apartment-we're still trying to get those last numbers of the zip code to set up the phones. It'll be a week!" Then a week later "It should only be a few days!" Then the next week "I don't know what the hold up is!"

So I called my apartment-because it was nearing the end of October and I was getting annoyed. They had no idea what I was talking about. Actually, "Your building has had phone service for the past month" Great. Grand. WONDERFUL!

Did I mention they couldn't hook up my internet without the codes for my phone...or some BS like that. Right.

So I call crazy cable lady again. "Ohhh Mary! I been tryin to call you girl-is your number 812-449-3219 still?" No, it never was. Did she make that up? Was she calling from a walkie-talkie? Did I catch a niner in there?

So she schedules me an appointment for that Saturday (NOVEMBER FREAKING 3RD) from 3-6. Perfect. I can go to Gill's, watch Penn State beat Purdue, have a few beers, drool over the hotness that is Mike the bartender, and come home and get a phone! I get a phone call at noon, the phone people are wondering if they can come by since they are running early (when does THAT happen?). I should have left at halftime to meet them. Hind-sight is always 20/20. Nope, I wasn't at home, they'd have to wait. So I leave the bar at 230, highly satisfied with the win, the cold beer and the hot men. Can I get an AMEN? Not so much?

I had a missed call from the phone guy. He left a message saying he was at my apartment. Dang. I called back and left him a message saying "I'll be there in 15 minutes" while confrused-ed that he was early yet again. He calls back. I say I'm here. He says he's not, my appointment was from 2-4. No no, I protest-it was from 3-6. Nope, 2-4. Stupid cable lady. Well, it's still between 2 and 4, can you come out. Nope, you have to reschedule. Fine, fine, FINE.

Fan-bucking-tastic. (shout out to Angie and Lindley there)

So my next appointment was from 3-6 on Tuesday NOVEMBER 13. I obviously work-so my dad was wonderful and went to my apartment to wait. I call at 430 just to make sure they aren't complete morons and try to call me through the gate (you see, I don't have a PHONE that would be connected to the GATE...). Customer service says their records don't show anybody has come by yet, so they put me through to dispatch. Yeah-idiots. I tell them somebody is there waiting and I just wanted to make sure nobody tries to contact me through the gate. "What is the number m'am?" --the number of the person there, or my number? "Your HOME phone number m'am" (ohhhh, she's sportin some tude now-of course I throw it right back) I don't HAVE a HOME number, that's what I'm calling you about (how much did I want throw "bitch" in there at the end). Yeah--they have no record of my appointment. They can't send anybody out because their technicians go home at 5. "Well that just confuses me" I say, in mocking tone. "Why is that m'am" she says-I could HEAR her eyes roll. "My APPOINTMENT was from 3-6 but nobody works past 5?" She fumbles over words, lame excuse. Whatever, it's not on the books so I give up and speak with Charles in customer service. Bless his heart-he deserves a gold star-he was so nice. I called to reschedule and he says "but you have an appointment from 3-6 on the thirtee...today!" Yes yes, not according to dispatch. So he asks if I'd like to reschedule. "Are they going to show up?" I ask--he laughed. Funny, but not so reassuring. He asks what my schedule is like--I work every day from 9-5:30. Oh. Yeah. So 8-10, Wednesday morning. Dang, sometimes I don't get out of bed until 8. But it's the first appointment-can't be screwed up. MUAHAHAHA

Yeah, they didn't show up. I took time off work, precious time that I will need back when I'm vomiting or when I want to be drinking on a beach somewhere. One could lead to the other actually...

So I'm ENRAGED at this point. I normally don't like complaining. I mean, really. I had to call them to see what the deal was. They were running late. They would TRY to get somebody there before noon. That's HOURS late-why has nobody contacted me? I've taken off work to wait for you yet again. If this is not resolved I WILL take my business elsewhere. I hate dispatch-they are evil. So I ask to speak to customer service again. She answers, I am holding back my four letter words on a string (think Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation-Hallelujah, Holy Shit! Where's the Tylenol?).

"I know you just answered and that it's not your fault, but I need to complain to somebody right now" I get transferred. She encounters the wrath of Mary. This is getting RIDICULOUS!!!! I set up ONE MORE APPOINTMENT--if they didn't show, I was calling AT&T. I even found some customer service "comment" space on their website and wrote a nasty letter. Care for a tasty tid-bit?

"As you can imagine, I am incredibly unhappy and frustrated. I should not have to babysit people to do a job that they are paid to do--much less take time off of my own job. I am losing money by not working as well as losing money by paying for services which have not been rendered...I have another appointment tomorrow from 12-2 which will be my last attempt to do business with Comcast if my services are not connected. I am prepared to take my money elsewhere since it is obviously insignificant to Comcast."

WORD TO YOUR MOTHER.

The Comcast truck broke down yesterday between 12 and 2. They called somebody else, they came by at 3...

AND I HAVE A PHONE...and apparently a new sexual identity. Robert Wilson. That's who I am on caller ID. What?

AND I got a washing machine. I called me mom, whining "This is why I need a boyfriend!" as the water wasn't working. "Is it turned on?" she asks. Light bulb. Wow. This is why I need beer. So I turn the red thing, hear water. I turn the blue thing and water starts dripping out onto the wall. Great. I grab a beer, furious that they delievered a machine with a broken hose. I decide to try this again. I try to pull out the machine, too heavy. So I just lay across the top with my face 3 inches from the nozzle...yes, you see where this is going?

I turn it and think, maybe if it just turns all the way it won't drip cause of the velocity behind it (what? who said that?) Nope, it sprays out. Hard. All over Mary. I looked like a drowned rat. I felt sorry for myself. Then I drank another beer, got pissed off, and realized that it simply wasn't tightened. Problem solved. Hooray, I'm a genius.

So phone-CHECK. Washer and dryer-CHECK. New sexual identity-CHECK CHECK!

Internet...er, um, not so much!

Don't hold your breath kids...could be another ride through Comcast hell.

Seriously?

SO-we all know my luck with men...

Right, moving on then cause I don't like to dwell on that sad fact.

Anyways, for some reason lately, I've been attracting even more unusual, nasty men. Hard to believe things can get weirder than Busta and Richie Rich...alas, they can.

So a few weeks ago at Fox and Hound, Becky, Tanya and I went to watch the Steelers/Denver game. Not a happy outcome for me. However, there was an extremely obnoxious and large Denver fan at the table across from us. And by obnoxious, I mean he would talk to me from the NEXT TABLE and I swear to you people in my apartment complex could hear him. And when he yelled...wow. So he keeps talking to us from the next table. He sends me a shot at halftime since my team was going to lose. Then toward the end of the game, he comes over with another shot for when the Steelers lost and sat right next to Becky and I. I made him promise not to yell...which he couldn't do...and so I think Becky has permanent hearing damage. This guy is about 40 and about 400 pounds, balding-picturing him in your head? Hot, I know. We ended up playing a game of shuffleboard with him and his friends--during which Tanya named him "Princess" (which I found hilarious). At the end of the night, he asked for my number. I gave him the wrong one. Chalk one up for Mary-I avoided the random phone call from creepy guy (and yes, Richie Rich is STILL calling me-I almost answered it during the football game weekend at PSU cause I had a little alcohol in my system and didn't recognize the number!)

So this past Monday night--Steelers game--Flying Saucer. Becky and I go to grab food and, well, beer. I see somebody from the bar point and start waving. I look away. "Oh God Becky, it's the fox and hound guy" He gets up and walks over. Yup, still obnoxious. We end up at a table with them (okay, stupid I know, but we were in bad seats and couldn't see the tv). So I'm like, I gave him the wrong number--maybe he didn't try to call? Nope...he even brings it up! "Yeah, you gave me the wrong number. It's okay, I would have too-there are a lot of weird people out there". I think that's the first intelligent thing he said. But really, I gave him the wrong number and he's still trying? Not too bright there princess. So then Andy comes and meets up with us--and wow was princess jealous. He barely said a word the rest of the night and I thought it was hilarious!! And THAT is what guy friends are for...hooray!

Then there are those who are not so easily dissuaded...
The Grizzlies games. My sister knows who I'm about to talk about. There is a guy who sits in front of us who is obnoxious and large (are we seeing a trend here?). Except this particular guy adds "disgusting" along with many other highly descriptive words to the list...
He yells at the refs the whole game, yells at the teams and makes the absolute dumbest comments...and if you could only hear his voice...it's like a high pitched Lil Jon "Yeah"-but constant! He also does the Lil John "WHAT" between the "Defense" chants..so instead of"DE-FENSE (clap clap) DE-FENSE (clap clap)" you hear "DE-FENSE WHAAAT DE-FENSE WHAAAT". Favorite the other night was "There must be a hampster in the ball-keep rollin off the dang rim!". Also-to the refs "What?! This is basketball ref, contact is allowed. If you don't want contact, go ref baseball!" And of course it's always fun when he turns around and just starts talking to you like you were having a conversation with him. Or when I lean over and ask my sister something completely sarcastic, he'll turn around and answer. Yeah, wasn't talking to you. Thanks for playing.

Now ladies and gentlemen, if you have weak stomachs, sit down. Get a vomit bag. Prepare your gag reflexes. Grab your security blanket, teddy bear, whatever. If you sit behind him, bring a drop cloth for your lap. This extremely large, obnoxious guy likes to PICK his HEAD during the game. Sometimes it's casual scratches. Then sometimes he pops zits on the back of his neck. I mean really, if you order food...you could potentially get extra toppings. He also picks scabs on his arms. He also bites his nails and SPITS them across the aisle. And this tons of fun guy also enjoys dancing in his seat. Or when somebody has to get by, he doesn't get up (being on the aisle, this would be easiest)--he stands and leans on the back of the seat so that his ass hangs over onto the persons (me or people I'm with) lap behind him. Yeah-not the kind of lap dance you'd want. He also gets mega huge sweat stains on the back of his shirt that I could see on tv from like, 30 rows back. Ew.

So what does this have to do with Mary and her creepy men you ask? Last year once, he was standing before a game and I walked up and he looked me up and down and made a nasty grunting sound before saying "DAMN". Okay, even writing that almost made me throw up in my mouth. So this season, I was sitting a few seats away, and he kept staring. I mean, not glances. Like I'd feel him staring at me for a minute or two at a time. When I'd look over, he'd quickly look away so he "wouldn't get caught". Now he's started throwing in the "Damn" when he looks back. So is it sad to say that I'd rather sit behind him and risk getting my legs sprinkled with who knows that than sit to the side where he just stares at me? I think so....

More adventures to come-I'm sure! Enjoy...keep posting comments =)

Great Weekend-Crappy Football

So I had been looking forward to the Penn State vs. Ohio State weekend for MONTHS--MONTHS I TELL YOU!! While it didn't let me down...my freaking football team sure did!

What is the nicest way I can put this? Oh right...we got our asses handed to us. Boo Ohio State.

Anyways-I'll just share some highlights of my weekend with you!

-I left work early on Thursday for Philly-and I GOT PAID VACATION! Yup, I hit my 3 month anniversary last Wednesday so I took the next day and a half off! Hahaha. Perfect timing.

-My flight was 3 HOURS LATE getting into Philly. Poor Jen knew it was an hour delayed so showed up to the airport at 730...and had to wait 2 more hours. Our plan circled and was running out of fuel so we had to stop in Allentown...good times.

-Jen is worse at hearing alarm clocks than I am. So alarms started going of at 520am--420am my time! We rolled out of bed at 7 so I could go to school with her!

-Her 4th graders are so cute. She let them have a little Q&A session with me...

-"Were you in Miss Bruno's A-club?"-A club=Alpha Delta Pi

-"Is your favorite color pink like Miss Bruno's?"-Haha, no, it's red.

-"Do you like to shop as much as Miss Bruno?"-ummm, yes!!!!

-Friday night was alumni night at Jen's high school. She's the JV cheer coach too. So they let the alumni come back and cheer at the game that night. So Jen was all excited, I thought it was hilarious to see her with her curly high ponytail--it was like I could totally picture her doing this on a Friday night 6 years ago! It was fun to see her high school--it was MASSIVE--I think she graduated with over 1000 people...puts my 128 to shame.

-Friday night, it was P-O-U-R-I-N-G! Jen got soaked. I got soaked. We left after the 1st quarter of the game--it was so much fun to see her cheer though--just a bit wet and cold out! So we get in the car, our pants are soaking wet--my shirt was okay since I had an umbrella. We had packed our stuff to drive to Penn State-but realized that neither of us had extra dry sweatpants or anything for our road trip. We stopped at a Ross store at 9 at night, dripping wet, try on some sweatpants-which Jen has to take to the front to get the censors removed so we could wear them out of the store. I was in a black and silver turtleneck and heels, Jen was in a tank top and got a zip up hoodie to wear as well. Both in the same sweatpants. We looked like Sporty and Posh spice! We went to the convenience store, loaded up on junk food (a Jennis and Maris trip isn't complete without beef jerky!) and headed in the pouring rain and dark to STATE COLLEGE BABY...

-We got in around 1am. Drove through frat row to get around the traffic to our hotel. OH DEAR LORD. Jen and I, with our jaws dropped, couldn't believe how skanky the girls looked. Now, I'm all one for befouling the innocence of a Disney character or emergency personnel...but really?! We used to be the cute kind of slutty (yes, that was our actual rationalization) Not skin tight with hooker heels! WELCOME TO THE OLD ALUMNI CLUB...oh, it got better. We got to our room and decided we wanted some water for that night and the morning. So we walk across the street to Boots-right next to my old senior house (aw, memories!) to buy bottled water. 1 am, weekend before Halloween, Friday night, in State College. Everybody was WASTED and decked out and Jen and I were really bad versions of Spice Girls buying WATER. Yup, feelin pretty old.

-Jen took her glasses off to go to Boots...so on our way back to the hotel, she squints at a guy frolicking across the street in his costume "What is that?" she asks. "Oh my god" I say, starting to laugh. "I don't even want to look, but he's definitely a vagina". Yup. A guy dressed as a giant, skipping, dancing vagina. He had no shame...obviously.

-Now we get to GAME DAY!! I set my alarm for 9:45 to wake up and watch COLLEGE GAME DAY, which was broadcast from Penn State! Oh wait, the hotel clock was an hour ahead...it's really only 8:45. Damn...that was an omen for the day

-The sun is out! Jen asks, "do you think we'll get warm now?" "Nah" I say "There's a little breeze I'm sure". Yeah, like tropical storm force winds! People couldn't even put tents up for tailgating cause they were blowing away!

-Beer is good. Beer was running out. Jen and I walked to Hooters to buy more--and took a cab back to the tailgate. Oh right, and I'd had about 3 jack and cokes at this point...

-Jack Daniels is a bastard!! Going into the game, I realized I didn't have my purse. Oh crap. So I leave the stadium before kickoff--run back to the tailgate spot and porta-potties (we had to pee before the game!)--I bust going up the steps--and then keep going. No purse. Nada. I begin to cry. My ID-I had to fly! My credit cards-um, I like to shop? My camera-so many pooker pictures not yet developed! My brand new Rubis Siam Chanel #46 lipstick-I dunno, I was just excited about it. But as fate would have it...Jack is a sneaky devil...my ID and credit cards were in my card case in my pocket. Did I forsee myself losing my purse? Who knows..I also made a bet with Andy that whoever lost has to put a liscense plate tag of the winning team on their car...
-I like to pretend the game didn't happen. The Penn State team on the field was really a bunch of 6th graders dressed up for Halloween. That is the only explanation...

-After the game, a bunch of us went back to mine and Jen's hotel room--ordered WING ZONE (yummy!) and DP Dough and just hung out. It was like the old days-I miss Penn State!

-Sunday Jen and Steph and I went to the Family Clothesline to load up on our PSU gear!! I bought many shirts for myself-and shirts for Lindsay and Jason who sent me an Auburn shirt, like, 3 years ago--SO FINALLY they will be able to show their Penn State Pride!!! (I'll make them!). Then we drove back to Philly to drop Steph at the train station. Talk about a great road trip! Jen serenaded us with "In the Ghetto", we busted out "I Think We're Alone Now" (yes, I put my hair in a side ponytail for that song) and plenty of other random songs that reminded us of years gone by...

-I got to the airport a few hours early...got to hang out and could barely see the Steelers game cause my contacts were screwed up. That was fun...

Anyways--it was a great weekend--minus the football game!!

Oh--and since I wrote this a week ago and forgot I saved the draft (I haven't posted in A MONTH!)...Police services and lost&found were unable to located my purse, and Andy remembered the bet and I now have a liscense plate tag in my back seat...

So check my sisters blog for pictures of Pookers Pony ride, cause it makes me SICK that those were on my camera and I didn't get a single print or load them!

A Plethora of Randomness!!

So in honor of it being near Halloween, I'm writing in orange...other than this, I hate the color (UT has ruined it for me).

So I have re-written this post about 4 times trying to capture the craziness of mine and Becky's encounter with "Richie Rich" (aptly named when he said his name was Richie and after 2 rum and cokes Becky asked if he was related to Macauly Culkin)

Here are the highlights:
1- He is the loudest man in the bar, just like Busta Rhymes.
2- He offers us drinks, I decline, Beckys says "Okay!"
3- He is 40
4- He is trying to take me out on a date, to a place with "really nice filets and white people"
5- I wish I could have made up #5, but no, he really said that
6- He grabbed my phone and called himself--WHO DOES THAT
7- When I kept turning him down for #5, he uses the rationale "I don't know if you're playing hard to get, but you gave me your number so you must be attracted to me". Slow down there turbo, I didn't give you my number.
7a- "You didn't just miss a step, you took the damn elevator to the next floor"...ah, I love Becky backing me up when I told him that he missed a major step cause I didn't give him my number.
8- Richie doesn't say "redneck" or "bitch" because they are racist terms...
9- A scary movie scene when Becky jumps in the passenger seat and yells "GO GO GO!! He's following us!" I throw my car in reverse and begin to back out, looking for him in the rear view mirror--BANG--yeah, he's knocking on my window. Apologizing to us if he offended us. Um, your breath was actually pretty offensive Richie!
10- Becky, bless her heart, tried to replace my number with the rejection hotline in his phone. She missed something, because I have had 3 missed calls and a text since Monday night. First phone call came 30 minutes after we left.

WHERE DO I FIND THESE PEOPLE?

On a happy note, my apartment is pretty much done!! I just have to hang up pictures and get my books and stuff from home to fill up some shelves. But I got a beautiful leather brown chair yesterday from the chair fairy (I love when I come home and there are new things in my apartment!). So I have very little to finish--I'll post pictures when I get stuff on the walls!

I also have a new addition...a new roommate if you will. But he actually doesn't take up a lot of space...very minimal counter space actually. I got myself a Betta fish! Beautiful and red and quite a happy fellow. I'm just excited cause now I can say that I'm living with Tom Brady--that's the name of my fish. I'm such a lucky girl...

Oh, and of course--YUENGLING COMES TO MEMPHIS!!! I'm pretty sure it happens today, so I get to stalk the stores and figure out where it's being sold. Woo hoo! Excitement. So in two weeks (After we beat Wisconsin this weekend) when I'm back at Gill's, I'll be able to get my favorite beer from my hot bartender. Life is so good right now!

Anyways, that's all for now. Thanks to the 3 or 4 of you for reading--and SERIOUSLY, feel free to post comments!! I think you can do them without signing or logging in?



Oh, and HAPPY 2ND BIRTHDAY TO MY POOKER!!!!!

The reason for HD TV and the cruelty of my Biffer...

SO I have two important things on my mind-so you get a joint blog...

First of all...Becky (she said she feels like a star when she gets mentioned in my blog) and I decided to hang out and watch tv on my couch last night. So it was a toss up between Monday Night Football and The Bachelor. So Monday Night Football on ESPN, Patriots vs. Bengals. So of course, Tom Brady (aka my future husband) was playing. Well, I discovered I have ESPN on HD, so I switch over to check out the picture. It is amazing. And then it happened. They showed a close up of Tom Brady.

Becky: "Oh my, he looks even better"
Me: "I didn't think that was possible. I now know why HD TV was created. Tom Brady"

Sweet mother of all that is hotness...it was a beautiful thing. We have discovered the true meaning of HDTV...just be careful that your TV doesn't melt...do not look directly into his eyes. Okay, now on to part 2 of my blog:

Ummm, so as y'all know, my sister and I are like, the best of friends ever. Let me just tell you what she has done to me lately that makes me question her loyalties...


First of all, she is cutting back on the hours of glorious sleep I could be getting. How is this you ask? Um, I just finished the second season of 24 in about 2 weeks. I can't stop. I'm addicted. And who MADE me start watching 24? That's right--my biffer!


Second of all. My nephew is my sunshine. He makes me happy when skies are gray. He lights up my life. He my shawty (haha, sorry). So imagine my dismay when he does fun stuff without his Aunt Mary. And I have to see pictures of it and get sad cause I couldn't be there to witness the adorableness in person! See Exhibit A:


Yes, Luke kissing a bunny rabbit. Seriously biffer? Just jam the knife in a little deeper. That AND she took a picture with Luke in it with a pronto pup stand in the background. She is just rubbing it in my face that she and Luke have eaten two pronto pups within the past month and I have had none! For revenge, I'm going to order a plate of fried pickles and take a picture of it and send it to her or maybe even post it on my blog-so there!

Oh yeah, that, and disregard the end of my last blog where I said Penn State would win, cause they did not. Nope. Illinois. Seriously. To quote Donkey from Shrek "I think I need a hug"...

Top 10 Things to Get Me Over PSU losing to...I can't even say it

Okay, basically if you're reading this, you know me and know my love for Penn State. So imagine how excited I was this season with Michigan losing to Appalachaian State and Oregon in the big house...
It was time for revenge. It was our year. It was our turn.

It was impossible for us to score a freaking touchdown.

That's right, for the 9th straight time, my boys couldn't handle themselves against the f****** Wolverines. No, I'm not bitter at all...psha

So I'm making a list of the Top Ten things/stories this week that have been so odd, bizarre, random, hilarious that they have ALMOST made me forget about the game...but I'm still writing and I'm still pissed off, so obviously hasn't worked out so well...



10. I have cable at my apartment now!! My cable lady is THE most talkative person ever. Seriously. My mom drinking tea can't even compete with this lady. I know her life story. Her 20 year old son brought his girlfriend home 2 years ago and Evelyn (that's my cable lady) looked at her son's 18 year old girlfriend and said "Do love my son?" She said yes. Evelyn said "If you get pregnant, I'm not going to be mad. You and the baby can visit. Just make sure you take the baby with you when you leave". My faith in her parenting is a little on the shaky side. Evelyn later asks if I want movie channels. Nah, I think I'm okay. So she tells me ALL about this new show on HBO called "Tell Me You Love Me". She says it's graphic and that it shows "Whoo Whoo's" and "Nay Nay's"-I kid you not. So 2 hours later, she actually hooks my cable up and whaddyaknow, the show is on HBO. So she sits on my couch. And. Begins. To. Watch. The. Show. With. Me....And she was right about it being graphic, I believe in the 30 minutes she pretended to be doing work while stealing sideways glances at the tv, I saw 3 sex scenes. So in essence, my cable lady and I bonded over soft core porn. Rock on. NEXT!



9. To go along with cable, it is premier time on tv! The Bachelor is back (and HHHOOOOTTTT-McFreakingYummy, cause he looks like McSteamy from Grey's Anatomy--)--which is also back, but without Addison cause she's now in Private Practice. And then there is ANTM, my guilty pleasure, and it's fantastic, followed by Gossip Girl. My one issue this season is going to be--Kevin Federline on ONE TREE HILL--oh dear god help us all. Don't screw up my show like you are screwing up your children or I will come after you like the courts are goin for Brittney.



8. Buffalo. It is absolutely gorgeous outside and I have my beautiful red convertible to enjoy it in. I drive through Shelby Farms every day to and from work (for those of you don't know, it's basically a big park/reserve with trails, lakes, etc. I used to run cross country there) There are buffalo in one area and I see them grazing every day. I, being the nerd I am, wave to the buffalo each and every morning and when I'm going home. The baby ones are adorable. Then I get "Home on the Range" stuck in my head for a few hours. "Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam..."



7. Darts. I forgot how much I loved playing. I played a round after my episode of mainlining shots after the game...it was a fun game for many reasons. Then last night with Andy and Becky at The Windjammer. Fantastic.



6. Beer. Umm...I really don't feel that this needs much of an explanation, but it is my friend and has helped me cope with this tragic loss.



5. Jack Bauer. I am now a little over halfway through the second season of 24 and dear mother of god, it is amazing. I found myself bawling the other night while watching one of the episodes. Jack Bauer, I don't care if you just got busted with your second DUI, I need you. President Palmer needs you. America needs you. (Oh, and can you put in a good word for me with Tony? Thanks. Great.)



4. Randomness. Because we know my life would not be, well, my life without it. While at the Windjammer playing darts, I saw a familiar face from back in the day. A guy who I am pretty sure spends every night looking for a bar to sing karaoke in. He and his friend used to serenade me when I was in high school...he is a professor at U of M (yes-I was in high school, he was a college professor-you do the math). I run into him EVERYWHERE. Cotton Carnival, walking down the stairs with my soc. professor, in the library, at Wal-Mart at 10pm, at an auction, in Tunica and alas, at the Windjammer when he was one of the 6 other people in the bar. What are the odds? He once wrote his name and number on a napkin and handed it to me before returning to the other room to dedicate "My Girl" to me...ahhh, I love my life.



3. Puppies. Let's face it, there is no better therapy than puppy therapy. And I got lots of it and plan to get more immediately after work.



2. The customer service representative from liquidconnection.com and her fantastic attitude that serves her customers to the best of her ability. Yeah, notsomuch. But it got me riled up and took my focus off of the events of Saturday, September 22, 2007. I think I want to go out to California and slap her in the face. My package got shipped to my old house. No, not where my parents are living and where I have lived since 9th grade. I mean my old house that I haven't lived in since before I had a driver's license. Luckily we are still friends with our old neighbors so they got the package to me. Also, the glass shelves (it's a wine rack-I know, shocking for me. I don't have clothes in my closet but a wine rack, check!) were completely shattered. So I e-mail customer service saying that it was shipped to the wrong place and that the glass was shattered. She responds back telling me that they do not input information so I must have typed in the wrong address. Doesn't even address the shelf issue. So I forward her my receipt with my CURRENT address and my BILLING address...none of those are on Kirby are they sweetie? I say it may have been the fault of UPS. So she responds regarding the shelves (funny how she skirts the issues I find important at the time) and says that she can file a damage claim and I can send the item back. I ask will I have to pay anything extra for shipping and should I just send the shelves back since they are the only thing broken. She responds "Well, I have to know exactly who has the item and where it is". Okay, let's follow something-I know the shelves are broken right? So that means I have them. And let's deduce that I was having it shipped to where I lived, so the shelf would be at the original shipping address right? Not so bright are ya Jade? Ignorance--pisses you off but it does make me laugh sometimes.

1. The bartender. Let's just start off by singing "I like the baaartender", cause that's my theme song. Where do I begin? He's a hot man and he serves me alcohol-it's obviously love at first sight. He works at Gill's. He helped me cope on Saturday. When he sensed I was having another episode, he so sweetly looked at me and asked "A double this time?". Yes please, bring on more goldschlager. And the number one reason why the bartender is getting me through the week? Because I get to see him again tomorrow when my team rallies and beats Illinois! Let's hear it for the hot men!!! Hip-hip Hooray!

So tomorrow I get to enjoy football, beer and man-candy. I sound like such a dude. Everybody have a fantastic weekend.